Today the dreaded "thanks, but no thanks" letter arrived from my latest job search. I have been in the depths of depression now for a few hours about this.
This job search business sucks. It REALLY sucks. I have been going on a series of bad blind dates for four months now. They promise to call back and don't call back. They haven't gotten over their ex, you know, all the intricacies of dating only for money and benefits. But I do feel like a whore right now, not feeling too good about myself at all.
Waiting for a phone call for an interview is nerve wracking. Again, it is the date scenario...will she call, what will I say if she calls, what will I wear? My hair, what about my hair?
Plus, it is such a personal exposure to go to an interview. Trying to sell one's self to people you have never met, in different settings. One interview I went on, they didn't talk. They gave me the list of questions and then I had to perform like a seal.. I was so blown away after that, I had to stop at a friend's house to talk about it. Another bad date, I'd say.
Now I am back to square one. Nothing on the horizon, nothing that looks interesting or pays enough. Minor detail. I feel emotionally and spiritually exhausted from this experience. But then I felt that way going to work every day at the last job. Speaking of bad dates, I was crying every day as I drove into work-I was that miserable.
I guess I just typing at the keyboard in the meantime. I won't stay unemployed forever. There has to be a good date on the horizon.
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My dear pumpkin, Gloria,
Yes, dating sucks and looking for jobs sucks. I am so sorry that you got a decline letter right before the long weekend, too! Here's the simple truth though: you are brilliant and charismatic and talented and you will find the right place to work. Moreover, it will be a place that recognizes and appreciates your gifts and talents and values you as a human being AND it will be a place that you believe in and can make an important contribution to.
Here's one of my favorite Marge Piercy poems that I always hold on to when I am in the midst of work crisis/change transition.
To be of use
The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.
I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.
I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.
The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.
Know that we are here for you.
Love,
Julie (& Kim, too!)
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