Adios

Well Big Bill Richardson is waving adios from the New Mexican high desert to his chances of becoming President in this election cycle. I am sorry to see him go since his candidacy brought a Latino perspective to the Democratic race. During my time in New Mexico, I helped his campaign and he helped me with a gubernatorial appointment to the health policy commission and tickets to the Democratic convention for all my family.

He is indeed a rare politician who keeps his word. When he was first running for Governor, he met with small groups of "special interests". I was in the lesbian and gay meeting where we asked for a hate crimes law, a non-discrimination law and appointments to all the different state commissions. Not only did we get all of those requests filled but he added domestic partner benefits to all state employees. Promises made and promises kept.

Now we have to see what he does next. I don't think we have seen the last of Big bill on the national stage. I would bet my last dollar on that.

NH

I didn't know that I didn't care for Obama until he won in Iowa. Then I got really irritated with all the blatant sexism from all the boy talking heads. And now the analysis from the boy talking heads is this "Democratic insiders are concerned that this could turn into a gender war." Do these guys get paid to be this stupid?

All of them are a just plain old stupid if they just now realize there is a gender gap. Duh, let's go over this slowly. We make less money. There has never been a woman president. How many women are elected compared to men? This is what a gender gap looks like! And now we see what democracy looks like.

Gotta love this

IN the Chronicle today, there was a story posted about the legal victory for Dykes on Bikes. Here in the year of our Lard, 2008, some people don't understand this. There are some slow pokes still in the Bay Area.

And this from the comments is too perfect:

"piedcanard wrote:...and as far as lesbians go, they want very little to do with men. ..."------Ya know, everything is not always about men.... I would venture to guess that most lesbians have zero problem with men, they just don't want to have sex with them.

Part 2

In the sunny California area where I live, gardening is one of the biggest hobbies around. As I have posted both with pictures and in writing I spend as much time as possible in the yard, ending to flowers, veggies and herbs. I am a gardener in every way possible.

This means I have hope, Hope for my seeds, then seedlings. Hope for all the little pieces of garlic that I plant that they will re-emerge as a full bulb of garlic, spreading lots of flavor in my kitchen. This is also the reason I am involved politically because I have hope that my community, state and country will be better through working with like minded people to leave things better than how we found it.

Now we are really in campaign season for a shit load of offices. I cannot make my mind up on who I would like to be the next President. I know it must be a Democrat but who, I don't know who I prefer. And now that the white white white white white population of Iowa has spoken and the same demographics in New Hampshire will speak soon, the conversations are changing, folks have dropped out and it is getting time to decide.

Here's the thing for me, there is a candidate who talk all about hope but I don't know if he is for me. I just don't know. Change will happen no matter what, that horse's butt Bush will be out in just over a year.

The only thing I know for sure is that I will continue to hope the Sharks will figure out a way to win at home and that a Democrat will win in November. I'll just go back to reading seed catalogues and hope for the spring to bring new leaves and hope for change.

Poor thing

Someone help this child! And her children! Britney loses her mind and custody.

Part 1

Today my house was without electricity for almost 12 hours. But I am prepared. I have one handy unit, a crank flashlight that has a radio, a compass, a flashing light and siren all rolled into one easy to carry around package. I thought I should check the news to see if there were floods or other disasters nearby.

So I cranked up the radio and listened to... Gwen Ifill, David Brooks and Mark something on NPR. This is not about checking the news but being a political junkie. I had no access to news about Iowa or New Hampshire! So I listened to Bobo and Mark discuss caucki and primaries. They talked about things I had neither seen nor heard, Obama's speech last night (hockey was on) and Hillary's speech (hockey still on) and I found out something very important. It didn;t matter if I heard those speeches because there would still be a vote on Tuesday and that speech won't really matter on Tuesday nor will Bobo or Mark. They won't matter because other people, mostly white white white white white people will be voting on Tuesday.

I thought this lineup was going to get changed and some people of color were going to get a vote early in the process. Apparently my brown vote will get thrown into the mix on Super Duper Tuesday.

OMG it is after midnight, the ambien will be working soon and I will be saying all kinds of hateful things about the DNC, Howard Dean and all those people I have interviewed with who didn't give me a job. I'll get back to you in the morning.

Well, well

Seems the chickens have come home to roost. Ms Marinucci spotted the god father of California homophobia speaking for his good friend, Mitt Romney in Iowa yesterday. Isn't that special?

Last day and part of the night

So here it is...the end of 2007. I hate changing years, having to remember the new year on my checks, new calendars, new everything. Let this be said about alcoholics of all stripes, we hate change. So this is the worst of all- a big change.

Plus it is amateur night when every normal person goes out to get all likkered up and make a fool of themselves. Strictly amateurs.

Yesterday I was all doom and gloom over the change. I'll never get a job. Nothing will ever change. Of course, it deosn't help waking up to my feet hurting like hell before I ever stand up. That puts the gloom into the day quickly. But today, ah, different day and things can change. My feet still hurt but I am well on my way to getting in to the senior center gym in Santa Clara, going back to hockey, swimming again, a new job right around the corner and a real pay check soon. I ordered all kinds of seed catalogs the other night, will be putting compost into the veggie garden and plucking more ripe lemons from the back yard tree. I may have to dig that hole for the new rose bush too.

I am going to do my best this year to not get down for every little thing, be hopeful about the future and share the joy.

Wow, for someone who doesn't make New year's resolutions that sure sounded like some!

Happy New Year to everyone who stops by here. May all our dreams come true in '08, starting with a Democrat in the White House.

Bhutto

Here is the transcript for Democracy Now on Bhutto's assassination. There is very valuable information in these interviews about Pakistan, past and present. I stand corrected.

Chchchaanges

Damnit, I forgot I had a blog again!

Christmas has zipped by me again but it was a nice time with lots of parties and time well spent with the family. Leading up to Christmas I wrestled with that deadly viral infection so I wasn't too cheerful but definitely gay. Now I sit and stare at the phone, waiting for the group who interviewed me to call with a job offer. Apparently that doesn't happen during this week.

It was horrible to fire up the computer yesterday and see the headlines about Benazir Bhutto's assassination in Pakistan yesterday. I have followed the stories out there for a while, noting the upcoming elections coupled with Bush's idiotic policies playing out in full view of the world so we can see a thug with his hand on the trigger of nukes. Apparently Cheney and Musharraf are BFF so far be it for us to demand some accountability for all the billions going into that country. But the NYT nailed it today with this quote:

The assassination highlighted, in spectacular fashion, the failure of two of President Bush’s main objectives in the region: his quest to bring democracy to the Muslim world, and his drive to force out the Islamist militants who have hung on tenaciously in Pakistan, the nuclear-armed state considered ground zero in President Bush’s fight against terrorism, despite the administration’s long-running effort to root out Al Qaeda from the Pakistan-Afghanistan border.

Ah yes, spectacular fashion.

This changed the terrain in Iowa too. All of sudden the agents for change don't look so good. Huckster didn't know his geography. Obama can't make the case for change when experience is indeed important so he tries to thrash Hillary. McCain looks like he knows what he is talking about compared to a former governor and mayor.

We'll see what the new year brings in elections whether it be in Pakistan or Iowa.

An answer

I returned this evening from another off hours visit to Kaiser with a real diagnosis. I have not been able to hit the keyboard because of the stomach problems I have had. Poor Jo, I have been crying, vomiting, crying, vomiting, rinse and repeat. But now at least the doc gave me a prescription to stop the barfing and hope that this viral infection I have will clear up. I hope so, Christmas is on and there is food to eat and laughs to share. I am praying for some relief.

Monday morning bliss

This morning I got to spend a few hours with some of my cousins. It was one cousin's birthday and I hooked up with her at my other cousin's house. This is why I live here in San Jose, California, to be able to sit and talk about very real things in our lives, both past and present. To be able to talk so honestly about my life, my sorrow, their sorrows and what life will be like when people pass, what their children are like and the very soul of a family, love.

Imagine what a miracle it is to tell the truth and share that with family about being lesbian, about the shame I have carried all my life about who I am, who I love and to get love back to replace the self-hate. To be trusted with their children and given the chance to share me, just me, as the child of God who is kind and generous and funny with all of them. I get yelled at all the time because I make them presents or get the kids something because there is that little problem of unemployment.

Last week when I had one of the kids we were walking down the street together and he looked at me with the most earnest face and said, "Some girls like girls and some boys like boys and that's just the way it is." What a season of miracles, there is hope for all of us.

Thursday this and that

Waaah, I should be walking around the French Quarter now with Chris Daigle. Spending money I don't have, laughing and laughing and carrying on. But it was not to be this year.

I had to cancel my trip to New Orleans on Tuesday because I just could not deal with the pain in my feet. The thought of standing in line to get through security made me cry just thinking how much it would hurt. And I know NOLA, you have to walk a lot and since I cannot walk around the block without pain, the idea of wandering through the Quarter, well, it was just too much.

So I am at home, on a rainy day, making calenders on my Mac, filling in the excel spread sheet of presents both made and purchased, I am going to finish the village today, putting up the pond area now. The tree comes this weekend and I am going to the Sharks game on Saturday. Whoohoo.

Plus, plus, plus, I had a really good job interview yesterday. This could easily be my dream job. It will be even better if I can start before Christmas. Hopefully I will hear very very soon and I can be back on my way to getting up at a reasonable time in the morning, getting a bigger check than unemployment and actually paying off my bills every month. How adult of me.

But now I must go watch Shrek 3.

new thoughts

My wife just sent me this picture of me and Ruby, my tailless cat. I love Ruby with all my heart and she has had a very hard hard life. I found her after she rolled under a van on one of the busiest streets in Santa Fe.

Since then she has broken her leg badly and lost her tail to some neighborhood dogs. But she is still as lovable as ever, she cuddles with me, sits on my chest and purrs and tells me every chance she gets that she is hungry. She greets both of every day in the driveway and shows off how she can roll in the lawn.

So Jo took this picture of Ruby and I cuddling the other night. What I saw was a woman with an extra chin, arms that were flabby and every other little thing I could pick out that was wrong with me, in my eyes. I sent an email back to Jo saying all this and she responded by saying "That's what you see."

What a mind blowing experience. I realized how much I had invested of my life and soul telling myself I wasn't cute, or attractive or worthy of love. I have been crying ever since. What a WASTE!

I had given in to the homophobes who have said all those things, I listened and I believed them. I made their lies real in my head and they had won. I was sobbing thinking about all the people and creatures who loved me unconditionally. How much time have I put into thinking how unattractive I am? A lifetime.

Time for a new outlook on life. One filled with joy and laughter, pain and sorrow but never again about how I look and whether that is good enough. Because I am one unique woman.

Quote

I can't seem to figure out how to blog much lately. But I did manage to get myself quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle today. Plus I am showing off my picture with Sharks rookie Devin Setoguchi. I know, he's cute, huh? What a nice guy, too. It was nice to see so many Asian folks out there to get his autograph. He signed my new jersey.

I guess I have been a little brain dead post Cupertino elections. I worked on my friend, Gilbert Wong's campaign. I am happy to report that we won and he will be sworn in this coming Tuesday. Then me and the esposa are running off to New Orleans. Finally I will get to see my friend Chris.

Last time I saw him was when he was running for the state house in an attempt to become the first openly gay elected person in Louisiana. The election was soooo close, he missed the runoff by 56 votes. Damnit, so close. BTW, if you get a chance, go look at his art work. He is selling these really cool ceiling tiles on Craig'sList in New Orleans. It is under arts+crafts.

Now about that job, I am hoping for something very soon. But then I have been hoping for 4 months now. Please, universe, how about a meaningful job with enough money before Christmas.

Thanksgiving

Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. That describes my last few weeks. Here was Thanksgiving barreling down on the US and I couldn't think of a thing to be grateful for. Then last night both Ruby and Gus were sitting on my lap, Jo was nearby, Allegra was waiting for me at my feet and the others were hanging around. I finally took a breath and was overwhelmed with gratitude. Finally. Now the job can come next.

Another perspective

I went with mi esposa on Sunday up to UC Santa Cruz to table for Pride at Work. The event was a people of color conference and we were part of the resource fair.

Boy did I come away with some hope! I saw first hand how gay marriage will become a reality in the future. There was not one person who ran away from the table when they found out we were homos. Everyone knew about the LGBT resource center on their campuses. All of them had LGBT friends. All of them took queer stickers.

And in my lifetime I believe they will nonchalantly change the laws to give us equality. That will be a day to remember.

Perspective

While I haven't cuddled up to any Presidential candidate as a choice for next year, I have been having a woman's perspective on the debates. There has been a lot of male hand wringing over Hillary's alleged complaint about being ganged up on at said debates.

So having been in many meetings where I was the only woman,including one very memorable one with Governor Richardson, I can tell you this ganging up thing is part of every day professional life. My other professional women colleagues who I have discussed this with are in agreement, you guys have no idea what this looks like to us and that we have all experienced it in the course of our careers.

So stop the weeping and wailing, it doesn't play well. We have been through and hate it. Snap out of it!

Richardson's press

Here is Governor Bill Richardson's press release regarding ENDA.



Governor Richardson Urges Congress to Pass Employment Non-Discrimination Act

For Immediate Release
November 7, 2007

Contact: Tom Reynolds
(505) 681-1832

WASHINGTON, DC-- New Mexico Governor and Democratic Presidential candidate Bill Richardson today released the following statement urging Congress to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA):

"This should be a no-brainer for Congress: ENDA is an essential piece of civil rights legislation that has taken too long-- thirteen years-- to get to this point. It is hard to believe that we even have to debate prohibiting discrimination of any kind.

"I applaud Congressman Barney Frank for his tireless efforts in advancing the cause of equality and justice. However, let us be clear-- the struggle for equality is not over. I am disappointed, as I know Congressman Frank is, that gender identity is not protected in today's bill. That must be fixed.

"In my first year as Governor of New Mexico, I expanded anti-discrimination laws to include sexual orientation. I also signed into law New Mexico's first hate crimes legislation, which included acts based on sexual orientation, and I issued an executive order extending state health insurance benefits to all domestic partnerships. As President of the United States, I will fight for those same protections and rights for every American.

"ENDA is a pivotal step toward equal treatment under the law for every American. Along with my friends in the LGBT community, I look forward to the day when this no longer is an issue, when discrimination of any kind is not tolerated, and when we can celebrate our diversity as a nation and the protection of every American's civil rights."

A week

I forgot how hectic the last week of a campaign is. That is the one real bummer with having a Halloween birthday is that it always runs right into the elections.

So the candidate I was helping, Gilbert Wong, won election to the Cupertino City Council. So I have been trying to have a birthday, work furiously on this election and discovered that it is not good to change hormones. After I changed my prescription I began to cry and cry and cry and cry and cry. Not just little teary eyed moments over a commercial but copious, knock-me-to-my-knees crying fits. Not so better living through chemistry. I finally realized what had happened and stopped taking them, called the doctor and said I want to go back to my old prescription NOW. Since then the birds are singing again and I am not such a big hormonal wuss.

Also in this time, ENDA was voted on. I cannot be joyful that my trans brothers and sisters were left behind. Even though the bill will now be dead moving to the Senate, it is still such anguish for me to think that gay and lesbian people decided to leave some of us behind.

Now I will go back to the New Mexico story. The ending is perfect, Governor Bill Richardson signs in to law a trans inclusive hate crime law, a non-discrimination law and then signs an executive order give domestic partnership benefits for state employees. What happened before all this is currently being rewritten in New Mexico to not include me who was on the floor of the House the night we got the ENDA bill passed nor my partner who was Executive Director of the statewide LGBT group.

What is critical to note are two things: 1. many lesbians and gays were more than willing to throw the trans community under the bus if it meant the L&G's would get something out of it. 2. what stopped that from happening is L&G people saying no, we all get there together. And that is what happened because many of us refused to be pushed around for expediency and showed a moral center. Compare this to secret deals, lies in public and a lack of a moral center for certain DC types.

There can be all the tut-tutting people want to say those of us who wanted to stay together are politically naive. To which I say I can live with that because I kept my word. However, I am not politically naive, I am experienced at many levels of lobbying and can walk the halls of Congress and Sacramento and talk to just about anybody. So when the multi-million dollar organizations throw their hands up in the air, it says a lot about our movement. WE have many people who lack a moral center. And don't care about transgender people. No wonder the LGBT people of color have been screaming for so long this again illustrates how this movement is about comfort with anyone not like us. How we are very quick to claim homophobia but are more than willing to throw those under the bus who aren't just like us.

It is a sad day indeed. I wonder what would have happened to all those gay men with AIDS whose lives were made better from all the lesbians who took care of them and loved them and changed their sheets and fed them and were left behind with broken hearts. So what if we had said, what do I have in common with these guys? Look they got infected, too bad, deal, you did this to yourselves. That isn't what happened though because somewhere deep inside of us, we saw our humanity in our dying brothers and could not look away or hide from the truth.

The grand compromise gave us nothing. WE are not better today than we were the day before this vote. But at least we see the people "in charge" for what they are: people without a moral center. Rosa Parks they are not.