Remembering kindness

It is coming up on a year that Phyllis left us. I have had such a hard time dealing with the loss because I don't think I have fully absorbed the loss. No massive shedding of tears, no weeping like I usually do.

Maybe because it was such a long, painful process to watch her suffer I was sad she was leaving but not sad to see the suffering end.

Phyllis was really hard to watch. I was over there a lot helping out. The indignities she had to face were humiliating to a woman who had always been so private and dignified. She was the nicest woman I knew. She was married to a man for a long time who was the meanest man I ever knew. She raised her kids by herself and they all turned out to be very nice adults.

But the end of the story is sad. A long painful death. Thankfully her suffering was ended and I got to say "I love you." She could and did say the same to me.

Many times she told me she felt so safe because I was there with her which seemed odd to me. She was the parent, I had always felt safe with her and the other neighborhood parents. Well not all of them but that is a different story.

I am still floundering for words. Maybe the pain is too deep and I still can't get to the real feelings. So I will just say the truth.

I loved Phyllis Nirva. She was a kind soul who loved her family and friends in a joyful, unique way that made us all feel really special and really loved. Thank you so much.

I hope you are enjoying your time now with Frank Sinatra, Bill Walsh and now Freddie Solomon. I miss you, we all miss you but I am glad you are not suffering any more.

I'm going to try again

I have disappeared from this site since June of 20111.

After a Twitter conversation last night with my brother and padrino of this blog, Andres Duque, I have decided to pull on my big girl pants and get back here.

For many moons I have been posting at other blogs, hoping to have my name in lights. As a competitive softball dyke it has always been in my nature to try and rush to the top of the food chain. Most times I have gotten some satisfaction from it but not so much in the blogosphere. I needed to come back to my roots, as Miss Wild Thing, and talk about whatever is relevant to me. Maybe one or two people will read it, maybe not. That has nothing to do with my truth and the writing of my truth here.

I also think Whitney Houston's death yesterday had a big impact. She was not the icon in my life the way she is for others(I am so sorry for this loss Chris). I have danced many a joyful night away with Ms Whitney. She gave us incredible music and some not so pretty sights into her personal life. There have been loud whispers of her secret life with women. That is really none of my business.

What was obvious to me was that she was sick. Sick in the same way I am sick with addiction. I cannot drink one beer, there has to be more. I can't have a little of a drink, there has to be way more.

But through the help of many many people, I have managed to stay sober for 24 years. One day at a time, I haven't drank or used drugs for entertainment. This is a disease I have. Whitney Houston had the same disease.

There is no proof yet that she is dead because of her alcohol and drug use. People are waiting breathlessly to proclaim her death was due to her inability to have some sort of control. A glaring defect to show how she wasn't perfect, she had flaws like the rest of us. Why do so many want to demonize her?

It is tragic to lose any person to this disease. It is tragic to lose people to cancer too but I don't see or hear fault and blame pointed at people with cancer. Why should that happen?

But there are many fingers pointed at those of us who suffer from addiction, diabetes and AIDS. After all, if we just showed some restraint these things wouldn't happen. If I just stopped drinking Dr Pepper earlier I wouldn't have gotten diabetes. If I exercised more I wouldn't have heart stents now.

Well know what? Health issues happen to everyone. The moralizing around certain diseases is certainly a response by many to prove their own superiority. They didn't get heart disease because they eat right and do everything else just right.

Bullshit.

Shit happens.

We would be a much more gracious people if we wept when someone was lost without judging them, tried to help the poor, took care of the sick and kept our side of the street clean. We are all doing the best we can do, don't judge.

Stay out of my marriage, my womb, my body I didn't invite you in.

So I will offer one up for Whitney today. I know that there but for the grace of God go I. Rest in peace, sister. You did the best you could do. Thanks for the beauty and songs you left as a gift.