Last day and part of the night

So here it is...the end of 2007. I hate changing years, having to remember the new year on my checks, new calendars, new everything. Let this be said about alcoholics of all stripes, we hate change. So this is the worst of all- a big change.

Plus it is amateur night when every normal person goes out to get all likkered up and make a fool of themselves. Strictly amateurs.

Yesterday I was all doom and gloom over the change. I'll never get a job. Nothing will ever change. Of course, it deosn't help waking up to my feet hurting like hell before I ever stand up. That puts the gloom into the day quickly. But today, ah, different day and things can change. My feet still hurt but I am well on my way to getting in to the senior center gym in Santa Clara, going back to hockey, swimming again, a new job right around the corner and a real pay check soon. I ordered all kinds of seed catalogs the other night, will be putting compost into the veggie garden and plucking more ripe lemons from the back yard tree. I may have to dig that hole for the new rose bush too.

I am going to do my best this year to not get down for every little thing, be hopeful about the future and share the joy.

Wow, for someone who doesn't make New year's resolutions that sure sounded like some!

Happy New Year to everyone who stops by here. May all our dreams come true in '08, starting with a Democrat in the White House.

Bhutto

Here is the transcript for Democracy Now on Bhutto's assassination. There is very valuable information in these interviews about Pakistan, past and present. I stand corrected.

Chchchaanges

Damnit, I forgot I had a blog again!

Christmas has zipped by me again but it was a nice time with lots of parties and time well spent with the family. Leading up to Christmas I wrestled with that deadly viral infection so I wasn't too cheerful but definitely gay. Now I sit and stare at the phone, waiting for the group who interviewed me to call with a job offer. Apparently that doesn't happen during this week.

It was horrible to fire up the computer yesterday and see the headlines about Benazir Bhutto's assassination in Pakistan yesterday. I have followed the stories out there for a while, noting the upcoming elections coupled with Bush's idiotic policies playing out in full view of the world so we can see a thug with his hand on the trigger of nukes. Apparently Cheney and Musharraf are BFF so far be it for us to demand some accountability for all the billions going into that country. But the NYT nailed it today with this quote:

The assassination highlighted, in spectacular fashion, the failure of two of President Bush’s main objectives in the region: his quest to bring democracy to the Muslim world, and his drive to force out the Islamist militants who have hung on tenaciously in Pakistan, the nuclear-armed state considered ground zero in President Bush’s fight against terrorism, despite the administration’s long-running effort to root out Al Qaeda from the Pakistan-Afghanistan border.

Ah yes, spectacular fashion.

This changed the terrain in Iowa too. All of sudden the agents for change don't look so good. Huckster didn't know his geography. Obama can't make the case for change when experience is indeed important so he tries to thrash Hillary. McCain looks like he knows what he is talking about compared to a former governor and mayor.

We'll see what the new year brings in elections whether it be in Pakistan or Iowa.

An answer

I returned this evening from another off hours visit to Kaiser with a real diagnosis. I have not been able to hit the keyboard because of the stomach problems I have had. Poor Jo, I have been crying, vomiting, crying, vomiting, rinse and repeat. But now at least the doc gave me a prescription to stop the barfing and hope that this viral infection I have will clear up. I hope so, Christmas is on and there is food to eat and laughs to share. I am praying for some relief.

Monday morning bliss

This morning I got to spend a few hours with some of my cousins. It was one cousin's birthday and I hooked up with her at my other cousin's house. This is why I live here in San Jose, California, to be able to sit and talk about very real things in our lives, both past and present. To be able to talk so honestly about my life, my sorrow, their sorrows and what life will be like when people pass, what their children are like and the very soul of a family, love.

Imagine what a miracle it is to tell the truth and share that with family about being lesbian, about the shame I have carried all my life about who I am, who I love and to get love back to replace the self-hate. To be trusted with their children and given the chance to share me, just me, as the child of God who is kind and generous and funny with all of them. I get yelled at all the time because I make them presents or get the kids something because there is that little problem of unemployment.

Last week when I had one of the kids we were walking down the street together and he looked at me with the most earnest face and said, "Some girls like girls and some boys like boys and that's just the way it is." What a season of miracles, there is hope for all of us.

Thursday this and that

Waaah, I should be walking around the French Quarter now with Chris Daigle. Spending money I don't have, laughing and laughing and carrying on. But it was not to be this year.

I had to cancel my trip to New Orleans on Tuesday because I just could not deal with the pain in my feet. The thought of standing in line to get through security made me cry just thinking how much it would hurt. And I know NOLA, you have to walk a lot and since I cannot walk around the block without pain, the idea of wandering through the Quarter, well, it was just too much.

So I am at home, on a rainy day, making calenders on my Mac, filling in the excel spread sheet of presents both made and purchased, I am going to finish the village today, putting up the pond area now. The tree comes this weekend and I am going to the Sharks game on Saturday. Whoohoo.

Plus, plus, plus, I had a really good job interview yesterday. This could easily be my dream job. It will be even better if I can start before Christmas. Hopefully I will hear very very soon and I can be back on my way to getting up at a reasonable time in the morning, getting a bigger check than unemployment and actually paying off my bills every month. How adult of me.

But now I must go watch Shrek 3.