new thoughts

My wife just sent me this picture of me and Ruby, my tailless cat. I love Ruby with all my heart and she has had a very hard hard life. I found her after she rolled under a van on one of the busiest streets in Santa Fe.

Since then she has broken her leg badly and lost her tail to some neighborhood dogs. But she is still as lovable as ever, she cuddles with me, sits on my chest and purrs and tells me every chance she gets that she is hungry. She greets both of every day in the driveway and shows off how she can roll in the lawn.

So Jo took this picture of Ruby and I cuddling the other night. What I saw was a woman with an extra chin, arms that were flabby and every other little thing I could pick out that was wrong with me, in my eyes. I sent an email back to Jo saying all this and she responded by saying "That's what you see."

What a mind blowing experience. I realized how much I had invested of my life and soul telling myself I wasn't cute, or attractive or worthy of love. I have been crying ever since. What a WASTE!

I had given in to the homophobes who have said all those things, I listened and I believed them. I made their lies real in my head and they had won. I was sobbing thinking about all the people and creatures who loved me unconditionally. How much time have I put into thinking how unattractive I am? A lifetime.

Time for a new outlook on life. One filled with joy and laughter, pain and sorrow but never again about how I look and whether that is good enough. Because I am one unique woman.

Quote

I can't seem to figure out how to blog much lately. But I did manage to get myself quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle today. Plus I am showing off my picture with Sharks rookie Devin Setoguchi. I know, he's cute, huh? What a nice guy, too. It was nice to see so many Asian folks out there to get his autograph. He signed my new jersey.

I guess I have been a little brain dead post Cupertino elections. I worked on my friend, Gilbert Wong's campaign. I am happy to report that we won and he will be sworn in this coming Tuesday. Then me and the esposa are running off to New Orleans. Finally I will get to see my friend Chris.

Last time I saw him was when he was running for the state house in an attempt to become the first openly gay elected person in Louisiana. The election was soooo close, he missed the runoff by 56 votes. Damnit, so close. BTW, if you get a chance, go look at his art work. He is selling these really cool ceiling tiles on Craig'sList in New Orleans. It is under arts+crafts.

Now about that job, I am hoping for something very soon. But then I have been hoping for 4 months now. Please, universe, how about a meaningful job with enough money before Christmas.

Thanksgiving

Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. That describes my last few weeks. Here was Thanksgiving barreling down on the US and I couldn't think of a thing to be grateful for. Then last night both Ruby and Gus were sitting on my lap, Jo was nearby, Allegra was waiting for me at my feet and the others were hanging around. I finally took a breath and was overwhelmed with gratitude. Finally. Now the job can come next.

Another perspective

I went with mi esposa on Sunday up to UC Santa Cruz to table for Pride at Work. The event was a people of color conference and we were part of the resource fair.

Boy did I come away with some hope! I saw first hand how gay marriage will become a reality in the future. There was not one person who ran away from the table when they found out we were homos. Everyone knew about the LGBT resource center on their campuses. All of them had LGBT friends. All of them took queer stickers.

And in my lifetime I believe they will nonchalantly change the laws to give us equality. That will be a day to remember.

Perspective

While I haven't cuddled up to any Presidential candidate as a choice for next year, I have been having a woman's perspective on the debates. There has been a lot of male hand wringing over Hillary's alleged complaint about being ganged up on at said debates.

So having been in many meetings where I was the only woman,including one very memorable one with Governor Richardson, I can tell you this ganging up thing is part of every day professional life. My other professional women colleagues who I have discussed this with are in agreement, you guys have no idea what this looks like to us and that we have all experienced it in the course of our careers.

So stop the weeping and wailing, it doesn't play well. We have been through and hate it. Snap out of it!

Richardson's press

Here is Governor Bill Richardson's press release regarding ENDA.



Governor Richardson Urges Congress to Pass Employment Non-Discrimination Act

For Immediate Release
November 7, 2007

Contact: Tom Reynolds
(505) 681-1832

WASHINGTON, DC-- New Mexico Governor and Democratic Presidential candidate Bill Richardson today released the following statement urging Congress to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA):

"This should be a no-brainer for Congress: ENDA is an essential piece of civil rights legislation that has taken too long-- thirteen years-- to get to this point. It is hard to believe that we even have to debate prohibiting discrimination of any kind.

"I applaud Congressman Barney Frank for his tireless efforts in advancing the cause of equality and justice. However, let us be clear-- the struggle for equality is not over. I am disappointed, as I know Congressman Frank is, that gender identity is not protected in today's bill. That must be fixed.

"In my first year as Governor of New Mexico, I expanded anti-discrimination laws to include sexual orientation. I also signed into law New Mexico's first hate crimes legislation, which included acts based on sexual orientation, and I issued an executive order extending state health insurance benefits to all domestic partnerships. As President of the United States, I will fight for those same protections and rights for every American.

"ENDA is a pivotal step toward equal treatment under the law for every American. Along with my friends in the LGBT community, I look forward to the day when this no longer is an issue, when discrimination of any kind is not tolerated, and when we can celebrate our diversity as a nation and the protection of every American's civil rights."

A week

I forgot how hectic the last week of a campaign is. That is the one real bummer with having a Halloween birthday is that it always runs right into the elections.

So the candidate I was helping, Gilbert Wong, won election to the Cupertino City Council. So I have been trying to have a birthday, work furiously on this election and discovered that it is not good to change hormones. After I changed my prescription I began to cry and cry and cry and cry and cry. Not just little teary eyed moments over a commercial but copious, knock-me-to-my-knees crying fits. Not so better living through chemistry. I finally realized what had happened and stopped taking them, called the doctor and said I want to go back to my old prescription NOW. Since then the birds are singing again and I am not such a big hormonal wuss.

Also in this time, ENDA was voted on. I cannot be joyful that my trans brothers and sisters were left behind. Even though the bill will now be dead moving to the Senate, it is still such anguish for me to think that gay and lesbian people decided to leave some of us behind.

Now I will go back to the New Mexico story. The ending is perfect, Governor Bill Richardson signs in to law a trans inclusive hate crime law, a non-discrimination law and then signs an executive order give domestic partnership benefits for state employees. What happened before all this is currently being rewritten in New Mexico to not include me who was on the floor of the House the night we got the ENDA bill passed nor my partner who was Executive Director of the statewide LGBT group.

What is critical to note are two things: 1. many lesbians and gays were more than willing to throw the trans community under the bus if it meant the L&G's would get something out of it. 2. what stopped that from happening is L&G people saying no, we all get there together. And that is what happened because many of us refused to be pushed around for expediency and showed a moral center. Compare this to secret deals, lies in public and a lack of a moral center for certain DC types.

There can be all the tut-tutting people want to say those of us who wanted to stay together are politically naive. To which I say I can live with that because I kept my word. However, I am not politically naive, I am experienced at many levels of lobbying and can walk the halls of Congress and Sacramento and talk to just about anybody. So when the multi-million dollar organizations throw their hands up in the air, it says a lot about our movement. WE have many people who lack a moral center. And don't care about transgender people. No wonder the LGBT people of color have been screaming for so long this again illustrates how this movement is about comfort with anyone not like us. How we are very quick to claim homophobia but are more than willing to throw those under the bus who aren't just like us.

It is a sad day indeed. I wonder what would have happened to all those gay men with AIDS whose lives were made better from all the lesbians who took care of them and loved them and changed their sheets and fed them and were left behind with broken hearts. So what if we had said, what do I have in common with these guys? Look they got infected, too bad, deal, you did this to yourselves. That isn't what happened though because somewhere deep inside of us, we saw our humanity in our dying brothers and could not look away or hide from the truth.

The grand compromise gave us nothing. WE are not better today than we were the day before this vote. But at least we see the people "in charge" for what they are: people without a moral center. Rosa Parks they are not.