MISS WILD THING

Interview with the new director of Equality California

2011-06-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

Interview with Roland Polencio

Me: Tell me what your history is? I understand you are Guatemalan.

RP: Yes, I was born and raised in Guatemala. My family was very politically involved. My father was one of those people, he was a small businessman and also a revolutionary. And he wanted to basically get rid of the military dictatorship that Guatemalans had been living with for many decades. So he was killed. I also had another cousin who was 18 when she was killed. My father was disappeared for quite a while until we found his remains.

You know many of my family members went into exile. Some went to Mexico City, Australia, Spain and Vancouver, Canada. Most of them are in Vancouver, Canada and Mexico City now.

My mom was concerned about our safety. She came to the US and she eventually brought us.

The US was providing military aid to Guatemala at that time. So Central Americans were not really eligible for political asylum so when I came here I was almost 18, I was already an adult.

I eventually went to UCLA. That is when I started to come out as a gay man. You know colleges and universities are the environment where many of us find ourselves. Also I got a sense of what being a Latino in the US was. Obviously I felt this sharp contrast with my family who were small businesses. We were not rich but we were somewhat prosperous. Basically here there is the sharp discrimination that many immigrants feel that kind of shaped my consciousness and that along that with the fact that I was coming out as gay Latino man really got me to really think about what I wanted to do. About the conversations that people have about both immigrants and LGBT people.

So in 1982, I was one of the co-founders of Gay and Lesbian Latinos Unidos. Which eventually created the leadership that helped to found Bienestar. I don’t know if you know Oscar De La O but he was the founder of Bienestar.

Me: right

RP:A lot of that leadership came out of GLLU and of course, many of them are dead now. Many of them died of HIV and AIDS. I lost, I don’t know, seven out of 10 friends. It was a huge epidemic and it hit the activist community really hard. So it was unfortunate about that, aside from the human suffering, just the pain that the pain the community had.

I can think of Jose Ramirez. He was Newyorican. He was one of those individuals who really involved in the civil rights movement. Many involved with the United Farm Workers. They really had a connection to the civil rights movement. I think that we lost that whole generation. And we lost the consciousness and the solidarity thinking that came along with that.

Me: You know I have also been of the opinion that men of that age. I wouldn’t say my numbers were as high as what you are talking about but definitely, I talk about men who I should be growing old with who are not here anymore. I also think because we all grew up with the feminist movement that there was a lot more solidarity with women.

RP: Absolutely

Me: and being able to operate from basic feminist principles of inclusion and equality, that losing so many of that generation, there was a loss of transferring that information, those principles and experience to younger men.

RP: So the hand off in terms of certain values, the basic tenets of the solidarity movement, that whole notion of interconnection and intersecting movements was lost, we lost a lot of that.

I don’t think we have analyzed the huge impact that the loss of that generation has had on the movement and where we are now. I can think of Frank Mendiola who was a farm worker child. He was raised in the farms and he became a union activists. He was the one who organized the Gay and Lesbian Center. He was like 24 and he was organizing the biggest LGBT institution.

So that is part of my history.

In the late 80’s I founded VIVA along with other friends. That was basically and LGBT artists organization.

Me: And then you are a founder of HONOR PAC too?

RP: No, I am not a founder of HONORPAC. I am on the advisory board.

Me: Oh OK.

RP: The main thing about VIVA is that so many of our gay brothers were dying that we created that organization to make sure that we kept their art and memories alive.

One of the impetus for that is that so many gay Latino men were dying we got Latinas and Latinos involved and to really promote our art and the expanded consciousness that comes along with that. So that went on for like four or five years.

Then I went to work at the AIDS Healthcare Foundation. I was the vice president and chief of operations. Between being a consultant and a full time employee, I was there about eight years.

And then I went to La Clinica Monseñor Oscar Romero. I was the Executive Director there. I was the E.D. for four and a half years.

After that I started my philanthropic work with the foundations. I became the senior program officer at the California Endowment.

Now I have been appointed as the next Executive Director of Equality California.

Me: Well that is quite the story.

RP: It’s a lot.

Me: You’ve gotten a lot done.

Me: The Prop 8 campaign did not turn out the way we wanted it to. I am curious what you were able to do at that time. How were you able to help?

RP: I think I am one of those people who wish we had done more. I also know that there were a lot of blind spots. Things that campaign could have done a lot better. We all have learned a lot of lessons from that. I think that one of the lessons we learned was that we have to talk to the people.

You know we can’t do these things in a vacuum. WE have to have these one to one conversations in all kinds of community and all kinds of languages. We also have to understand that our opponents are very organized and very powerful and they have a lot of money. They have basically built in infrastructure of churches that are not on our side that they can turn on and turn off. So I was one of those people who was not as involved.

I think it is important to acknowledge that. I gave some money and made some phone calls. I remember on election day I was educating voters. It was outside the voting booths within the legal limits. I was out there for about 10 hours. At the end of the day, they wanted to arrest me. I was definitely involved.

I was involved in the Obama campaign. I went to Nevada to knock on doors. I was involved in the Obama campaign a lot more than the Prop 8 campaign.

Me: Just in terms of my own experience, I have to say that this campaign definitely scarred me. I have to say this was because of the really bad treatment I got from Equality California and I mean really bad treatment. Here I was running a hunk of the campaign here in San Jose, got talked to like I was a dog. Talked to incredibly disrespectfully, couldn’t get any resources. I would get resources from people in other counties. I would drive to Santa Cruz to get yard signs. You know that is now way to run a campaign.

There was an evening when some of the labor folks had brought hotel maids to help with phone banking. We did not have a Spanish script. So they were reduced to emptying the garbage cans and cleaning up. I was crying and crying and crying that night. I still apologize to the union people for that.

Then campaign staff person says that they have to check on any scripts to make sure they are culturally competent. Of course! My response in my head though was fuck you, fuck you for treating my folks like this.

I worked with Luis (Lopez, currently a candidate for state Assembly) to get window signs in Spanish. We generated these signs and offered to folks in San Francisco. We also got them done in Vietnamese, too. We got them out all through San Jose.

I offered them to San Francisco and never heard a word. Nothing.

RP: That should have never happened.

Me: No!!!

RP: Those are stories of things that should have never happened. By the way, my activism was with HONOR PAC, not necessarily with the bigger campaign.

Me: But why did HonorPAC have an office in LA, the were the only ones with an office in LA?

RP: They got some space from Supervisor (Gloria) Molina.

Me: I know but I am just saying that the campaign never opened up anything in LA.

RP: Correct. There was a relationship. If we go back in 2012, which is going to be a daunting task, these things need to be in place.

Me: Well this brings me to my next question. What can you do to heal what has happened between the campaign and Equality California? As much as I am enjoying talking to you now, there is a trust issue that cannot be solved in one phone call. I have other people who are waiting to see and hear this interview. My relationship with Equality California, and the is just one activist who has good credentials. I have knowledge but was never allowed to the table.
So I have two questions. What are you going to do to heal this gigantic rift which first of all needs to be recognized? But second, how can you change the perception in the state? Because you have a board where you have to pay to play. It is not representative. As much as I love Dolores (Huerta), she is not my representative. To me there are problems in terms of communication and representation.

RP: No, those are real issues. I think the fact that I have been involved in the community for so long I understand some of the issues. I want to meet with people. I want to hear what people have to say. I want to have a conversation. How do we integrate activists more in to the organization and figure out a way so that is a part of what we do?

The reality is that we don’t have a common conversation. We don’t have a language we can in some ways that we can converse around. You know what I am saying?

Me: Yes

RP: So we are going to have create that, little by little or however it is. There’s a question of access. Who has access, what kind of resources? What kind of decision making? I think that is going to be an issue that we really have to think about.

The other thing is I really want to create a different framework in terms of how we approach our community engagement. By that I mean we need to take up issues that matter to all of our communities. So for instance, health care. I have been involved in health care. We have to expand our notion of what community issues are. I think marriage is definitely an important issue. It is a critical one.

In addition to it being a civil rights issue, it is an economic issue. We know that families that are legally protected also have a better chance of being economically stable, especially those families with children. So we have to frame this as a civil rights issue but as an economic justice issue.

We need to take up other issues that hugely impact our communities and I mean all our communities. Health care is definitely one. Access to affordable health care is a big issue in our community. We have an opportunity with health care reform to create alliances and to create coalitions that have one goal. That one goal is to create access to affordable health care.

Right now the state of California got $10 billion to do a program over the next three years called Bridge to Reform.

Me: I am on the board of the Santa Cruz Women’s Health Center so I am really aware of that program.

RP: So you know that one of the goals is to enroll 500,000 people before 2014. I think we need to be part of those efforts. We need to demonstrate our competence in other areas that impact. That’s one approach that I think is going to help to definitely start creating coalitions.

Health care will impact women, people of color, single gay men, married LGBT couples. I mean you name it. There are close to 7 million Californians who do not have health care. I mean that’s a huge number of people affected. This is rich with opportunities for coalition work and to provide palpable benefits to our communities.

Another one is education. There are issues I need to vet with the board. We know that education is the big equalizer or at least has the potential to be.

We also know that having access to higher education is a seminal experience for LGBT people. Most of us came out in college where we were able to get away from our families a little bit, from our traditional settings, rural, urban, what have you. We started to find people like us, people we could relate to in a number of ways. So for many of us, we came out in college. Obviously, kids are coming out a lot earlier.

Aside from the fact that it is an economic justice issue to have access to an affordable, quality education, it is also part of our movement. It is where we shape our identities as activists many times. So this whole thing that is going on with the community colleges, 400,000 fewer students are going to be able access community colleges in the fall of 2011. I think that is like a stake through the heart of our movement. That means 400,000 fewer students are not going to have access to an education. This will have an economic impact and I think this is an economic justice issue.

But also in terms of activism, it really will deplete our troops. We have to start linking these things. We have to start looking at the fact that all these things are connected. All these things impact us in terms of civil rights and economic justice.

The other thing is I think, that and the reason why I am saying civil rights and economic justice we have to create a movement that is not only about civil rights. It is definitely about civil rights. But it is about economic justice. If we don’t take care of the economic justice part of it, we will have an incomplete civil rights movement.

I think that one of the reasons why we still have a Latino underclass and an African American underclass and poor, white underclass is because we haven’t really dealt with the issues of economic justice. I think we need to go beyond the civil rights issues.

Me: You are making me cry. This is where so many of us live, having a commitment to full social justice. When the Arizona law first got passed,(SB 1070, anti-immigrant bill) I wrote something for Karen’s blog (lgbtpov.com). I just got attacked with people saying immigration is not an LGBT issue. I am just wondering, what are you going to do? I don’t know that the organization is prepared.

RP: By the way, I don’t start the job until July 5th so I am just starting to figure these things out. But I know for a fact that they have a Beyond Borders outreach program. Part of that is to start educating the community on immigration issues, to start getting activists sharing with each other and to do coalition work. Equality California got a lot of flak for opposing the Arizona law. They got a lot of hate mail. I think that is a good sign.

Immigration is a civil rights and economic justice issue. We have to frame in that way. It is a civil rights issue because the rights of people are being trampled upon. No human being is illegal. That is such a demeaning and dehumanizing term.

But also it is an economic justice issue. Our economy depends a lot on that labor. We have a consumer society that loves cheap things, inexpensive things. Well, we, in some ways, are conspirators to having undocumented labor. The only way the system can produce what consumers want is if we lower the wages of those people who produce those things whether it is here in the US or outside. And we are saying “Fine.” If all of us benefit from having less expensive food and clothing, from less expensive housing then you can go down the line and document what undocumented labor contributes to the economy. Then we need to take care of those individuals who create those benefits for us.

It is a hard conversation to have but I think we need to have that conversation. I mean the same people who are putting the anti-gay propositions on the ballot are the same people who are anti-immigrant.

So if the gay movement becomes anti-immigrant we are basically strengthening our enemies. We need to be really watchful about that.

We have what I would call a hypocrisy economy where we want the benefits of the hands of the labor, the undocumented labor where we want the hands but not the whole body.

Me: I have a question about the education bill that was moving in Sacramento. I was wondering why there wasn’t more of an effort to educate us about what was going on in Sacramento, the wins in Sacramento? I think the effort was being done just through social networks. I hope you will address that because that is not an inclusive way of communicating. About the wins and the losses. I would like to see more of an effort to educate us and for us to go show and lobby. I would like to have diverse people show up.

RP: We have to figure that out and somehow work on creating a mechanism to have people more involved, more informed with the tool so we can create that movement that we are talking about. I think that will be a real challenge. How do we create that loop with communities and with individuals who want to be involved and make a difference.
We have to look at the legislation. You were asking me about how to get more connected to the community. Of course there is a process. It will not happen overnight. I was giving you a framework and an approach.

Equality California has passed about 71 bills. We need to do an analysis in terms of what does this mean about localities. We need to see if these bills create partnerships with local activists to start implementing those at a local level so that it really has an impact on the quality of life in those communities. It is not going to be in every community but we have the ability to not take over but can be the nervous system, connecting the synergy with best practices. To share what does work, what doesn’t work. To find out what is unique about one place, to know what is not unique about one place. I really want to create that network, that nervous system, that backbone to connecting our California movement a little bit more.

Me: I don’t know that this is Equality California’s job but there seems to be a lot of functioning Latino LGBT organizations in southern California but there is nothing up in northern California. A friend of mine in San Francisco and I tried last year to start a Latino LGBT organization up here. We couldn’t get a fiscal sponsor. We couldn’t get anybody to do that. It just seems like in part of the conversations it seems like it would be a natural fit for you and the rest of the staff could be hooking up people from different parts of the state so we can be having conversations about how do we work, how are we more effective and how to work together to be more united.

And if, oh gawd, we have to go back to the ballot in 2012, what are we going to do? For me, 2012 is too soon anyway.

RP: I have some thoughts. We are in a quandary. We are in a quandary. On one hand we have a Presidential election that gives us an opportunity to get a lot of progressive people out there to vote. Also, we had a bit of a generational shift because we had younger people, we had a number of Latinos become voters. We had a sizeable Latino generational shift.

Then we have Obama saying that he is evolving on the issue of marriage equality. That’s an indication that he might actually come out for marriage equality. We don’t know that but it is putting everyone on notice. They are not challenging DOMA. They were really strong on DADT. This is the holy trinity of issues: marriage, military and DOMA. So this is the only missing piece in that triad of issues. So that’s the opportunity.

The challenges are this election is 18 months from now. We are supposed to have a game plan. We are supposed to have a fund raising plan. We supposed to have our community united, including our allies.

Ninety percent of our pro-equality votes are going to come from our allies. The unions are supportive. The faith based communities, the civil rights organizations. The elected officials, you name it, right? We want to know that those allies are going to be there with us.

The unions have their own struggles going on. They are fighting for their lives. Not as much in California but certainly they are starting to feel the pressure.

Then we have to add this other piece – the lawsuit. Lots of resources have been shifted to that. They have raised millions and millions. Lots of the pro-equality money has already been invested in this lawsuit. They might not be as comfortable funding a ballot initiative in 2012.

This is a very complicated situation where you have tremendous opportunities and tremendous challenges. I think that part of the town hall meetings is to get some of that information but also to have to go outside of our community as well. Like I said, we depend on the 90% or so that are not just coming from our community.

Me: Here, Santa Clara county went for Prop 22 way back when. We flipped this county by like 32 points. I will say because I was outside the campaign that I could run the campaign in a way that I knew was more effective.

RP: So you had your ear to the ground.

Me: Exactly. A lot of people don’t know this about Silicon Valley. But 64% of the population is either immigrant or children of immigrants. We have the largest population of Vietnamese outside of Vietnam. Obviously it was critical that we get things out in Vietnamese. We had people out there talking about it.

That is one of the reasons we were able to change the vote here because of our relationships with the API (Asian Pacific Islander) community. Right now I am working with a group called Asian Americans for Community Involvement (AACI) to talk about immigration issues here in Silicon Valley. So I am the only non-Asian in the group. But I am doing outreach into the LGBT community, working collaboratively with the biggest Asian group here. So for me that is what it needs to look like – Latinos and Asians working collaboratively in the state of California.

RP: I have just a little more time left. I am just so glad that we connected. We shall continue our conversations.

Me: I have two questions. Three questions. Are you familiar with how some Latinos in New York state are pounding on us against marriage? Reverend Ruben Diaz, who is an elected official in the state house. He is really homophobic. Last week he had a rally.

RP: I have heard of him but I am not as intimately acquainted with him or what he is doing there.

Me: When I publish this on Andres’s blog you should read the other items on his blog. I will forward you the link so you can see what they are dealing with in New York.

I am working with him on this interview because he has a huge Latino readership. He does work in both Spanish and English and monitors the press in Latin America.

The last question I have for you, are you going to be moving up here?

RP: I am going to be based in Los Angeles. But I will be traveling throughout the state.

Me: So then the center of the gay universe will be in WeHo now?

RP: You could say that (laughing). That is one of the things I am looking forward to. I am LA based. I looking forward to working with people around the state.

I went to the Courage Campaign’s training in Fresno. We take so much for granted in LA. I was so moved by the courage and passion of people in the Central Valley. It was like going back to the 1950’s. I was just so impressed with the passion and commitment. That inspired me for months. Well even today. It was very touching. I was very touched.

Me: I am glad to hear that. I have really enjoyed this conversation. Thank you for your time.

RP: Thank you. I am sure we will talk again.

Let's Go Sharks!

2011-06-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

Here's something quick and easy you can do. Please pass this on also. I have started a petition on the Change.org web site asking the San Jose Sharks to do an It Gets Better video. Since the Gigantes were the first professional team to make a video (way to go Sean Chapin), the Sharks can be the first National Hockey League team to produce a positive message in the United States and Canada.

The link is here.

Let's go Sharks!

Another light gone out

2010-12-26T17:38:00.000-08:00

He left the day after Christmas. The father of eight was always devoted to the kids. I am sure he wanted to see them and all the grandchildren at Christmas and leave after that.

Of course, we won't really know because the dementia had taken his beautiful, loving mind a while ago. Gone were the days when he could read and write, savoring the turn of a phrase, the events of the days and the memories. All the memories were gone.

The house had always been a jumble of eight children, shouts, laughter, meals seated at long benches with powdered milk served with lots of love. Of course it wasn't just their kids, it was the friends, the cousins, the grandparents all those who were enveloped in the arms of this household.

There were the weddings, the coming out, the birth of babies, the graduations. There was the great tragedy when one of the grandchildren died at 16 months. All the chapters of a life, of a family, were all there in the house.

And now the gentle man with the kind eyes, the ready nicknames for all of us, the man who was always willing to listen and laugh, has left us on the day after Christmas. He was so considerate up to the end.

The hole is great in all our hearts, the ones he touched. The sorrow will be there for a long time because we won't see him again with the apron on in the kitchen, washing out all the big pans after making tamales, cooking up the ham for a feast to share. We won't hear his lovely laugh, nor be able to just say hi.

But he is with his grandson who left us too soon, with his beloved father who taught everyone to smoke cigars and be able to defend our opinions, he is with my father and petting my departed dogs. He has gone ahead now.

No more suffering, his mind has been restored in another place. He is holding his grandson, together again.

What a legacy to leave, so much love, so much laughter. So many hearts touched by his life. We know the world has a little less light with his passing. Thank you for your life well lived and loved.

From the front row in Kabul

2010-12-18T12:37:00.001-08:00

This is a letter from a friend who is working in Kabul. She has an extraordinary view from where she sits.

Dear Glo,

Every year we spend billions of dollars working to restore a nation’s dignity, yet with that noble purpose we often fail to separate the needs of a people from the cultural wants of the west. With neither side receiving what it needs or what it wants. In turn we have created almost a vicious cycle of abusive giving that is comparable to force feeding a diabetic sugar or giving a bottle of vodka to an alcoholic. Our nation for its greatness is missing the point and the Afghan people who are dear to my heart continue to suffer because of it and the western need for instant gratification and the notion that money solves all problems continnues to fail.

This is not the fault of the men and women in uniform, the average Afghan going about their daily lives or even many of those involved in legitimate aid endeavors. Often it comes from pressure from large companies who use donor money to put their employees up in $20,000 dollar a month poppy-palaces with a security firm that carries an even larger price tag. Security people who tell everybody the sky is falling in order to keep their contracts and thus their jobs. These companies receive money that they must ‘burn’ in order to keep their contract. In many cases are talking about millions of dollars a day total.

Case in point the Afghan Supreme Court has a budget this year if I remember correctly of eight million United States Dollars it has only been able to burn nearly 800 thousand of that. One international donor wants to commit to 300 million over the next three years. Seriously, the court because of lack of capacity brought on by a thirty-year interruption in the education system does not have the capacity to absorb that amount much less burn it at the donors desired rate. If that 300 million was to be committed over the next thirty years that may be a more appropriate amount of time to allow the proper roll out and evolution of the judicial process. It would also give time for the educational system to catch and capacity to be slowly built. With this in mind using the current burn rate the west is trying to purchase three hundred years of judicial tradition in three years, to me that does not seem logical.

Western donors fail to look at their own history to guide them in the financial process of nation building. 200 years ago the United States was an even younger nation and it had its own set of issues that it has been trying even to this day resolve. The French and the Spanish at that time did not come in and try to retro fit and purchase our system. They for the most part left us alone to build our nation giving appropriate aid when needed and a cadre of well qualified and committed expertise. We need to stop trying the instant soup approach and realize that money builds roads, schools and utilities, but only the hard work and determination of people against advisories great and small truly build a nation.

We The People are frustrated and the Afghan people are frustrated. In order to help bring justice to the people of Afghanistan we must take a cold hard look at how we distribute aid. We must demand a break in the status quo of the apparatus of the major international donors first by looking at our own foreign aid distributer USAID and its underlying, unjust, and abusive funding and reporting polices. More small projects need our support where the Afghan people are involved and not subjugated to the agenda of large ‘ for profit aid organizations’ who are nothing but a front of the corporate machine. Paying off people only creates socio-economic disparities, humiliates the ones who have not and fuels insurgencies.

The aid must be long term because YES the people of Afghanistan need it but they need it for the next thirty years and in more careful and just amounts. Our role as a nations should be that of a steward and not of a company trying to hush the situation by throwing money at it.

Liberation for me

2010-07-29T11:05:00.001-07:00

I need to liberate myself. I have been involved in liberation movements for the majority of my adult life – lgbt immigration, race, living wage. But today I need to liberate myself from me.

I am 55 years old. I have not had a job for the better part of the last three years so I have no more unemployment. The two federal legislators I talked to at netroots had no idea that there is a group of people who have run out of unemployment.

This terrifies me.

There are now people in the movement who are making gigundous amounts of money for work that I have done for free for decades. This pisses me off. I feel pushed to the side and all the work I have done amounts to nothing because a new generation apparently just invented activism. So all the lessons learned, battles won and lost mean nothing. We are pushed to the side, living in poverty and wondering what will come next. The streets, starvation, stress of unknown proportions?

The truth that liberates me though is this: there is nothing I can do about it. I am completely and totally powerless.

The movement will continue without me and others who have come before who have won and passed laws, won and made lives better, won and gave hope. I can’t do anything about it.

Except tell the truth.

I am afraid.

So with this confession, I have to say that whatever amount of money people are making in whatever large amounts those are, all of that is none of my business. When I get obsessed with what other people are doing it is because I am afraid for my own future and what will become of me. When I focus on others I don’t have to look at what has become of me.

But the truth is also that this hurts my feelings, a lot. I am friends with a lot of people around the country. It really makes me sad that so many things are happening and no one invites me and my peers anymore for our thoughts or ideas. I am old news, literally.

Those of us in the 50+ age range can’t get jobs, are losing all we have built up over the years and are struggling with the world as it has become. Nothing is fair. (Not that life ever was fair. When we lost so many of our brothers we were very clear that life wasn’t fair.)

So now that I am liberating myself, I hope to breathe a little easier, think a lot more about those around me and less on people and things that are none of my business.

In the meantime keep your fingers crossed that there are more jobs for people everywhere. All our ships will rise together.

From Netroots Nation

2010-07-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

This includes a video taken by the folks who staged an action at lunch at Netroots one afternoon. The action was effective and showed an ugly side of the progressive movement that many of us know already, white privilege. The video includes lgbt people.

More of the same

2010-07-07T16:05:00.000-07:00

On June 30, the Department of Labor released new, state-by-state numbers on how many workers have been cumulatively affected by Congress' inability to extend long-term unemployment benefits. As of July 3, an estimated 1.7 million workers will lose their benefits. If this drags on through July, a total of 3.2 million workers will lose their benefits. – Center for American Progress

Independence Day weekend is for many people a long, leisurely time off to enjoy the bounty of employment. Barbecues, going to the beach (if they are close enough), swimming, boating, picnics by water are all on the menu this holiday weekend. Maybe not so much for the millions of Americans like myself who are out of work and with no unemployment coming in the near future.

Millions of Americans, millions includes LGBT Americans with no safety net. As I have written before, this still includes me.

This is obviously a frustrating situation for the country and all the people affected by this hideous financial situation. Depression, anger, hopelessness are all obvious traits of the unemployed. Those around us are also impacted, watching family and friends struggling, creating an even larger sense of hopelessness and frustration.

I have spent some time looking at the considerable amount of information available about this Depression. (I am done saying it is a recession. Time to call it what it is, a depression.) I am not an economist but I am an unemployment statistic. I wonder if I am wondering if I fall in the “given up looking for work” category even though I look every day. But apparently large numbers of people fall into that category weekly because of the amount of time we are jobless.

This is the big light bulb for me about this depression. If people like me don’t have money, we can’t spend something we don’t have. Duh, right? But this impacts all the small businesses who usually create jobs because no one is spending money. Therefore they cannot hire people like me.

It is a seesaw. There is no balance where both parties sit level. It is seesaw that has stopped either seeing or sawing. It cannot move because as Krugman has pointed out, our Congress is full of “the coalition of the heartless, the clueless and the confused.”

These same people have the same attitude toward us as LGBT people in this country. They vote against us every chance they get, they have no desire to meet let alone befriend an lgbt person. And the confused, see Mormon Church, separation of church and state. Also thou shalt not lie.

And now this same administration who does not take the battle of the unemployed to the Congress to fight for us is doing the exact same thing for us as lgbt people, nada. Oh yes, there have been a couple of cocktail parties in the White House, a small media klatch for those who could afford to go to DC on short notice and an lgbt round table at Labor with no unemployed lgbt people present. Yup, that is a long list of token efforts. Well, not really.

Since Barack Obama was elected, I have lost my home, gone over a year without a job and now have no unemployment insurance, no income. I am on food stamps. More of this is coming without anyone breaking a sweat about it in the White House except for the fact that it is sweltering in DC right now. Fierce advocate? Not even.

So I am going to connect the dots that seem obvious to me. We are depending on the same people for our equal rights who have not come even close to providing the promise of this country. If we worked hard and made some contributions to our communities there would be an agreement of security when things went bad.

Thanks to “the coalition of the heartless, the clueless and the confused”, who all went home for bbq’s in their home states while leaving millions unable to pay their bills or maybe even eat, let alone barbecue, the anxiety level of all Americans went up.

Many moons ago when I worked at a non-profit in the barrio, a family came to us with their baby. The baby had a bread bag for a diaper because the family didn’t have money for diapers. They tried to give the baby to us because they were so sure their poverty would be the end of their baby. They loved this little girl so much they tried to give her to people who they though could take care of her.

I wept that day and I weep today thinking about how many families in this, the richest country in the world, can have a government that can be so heartless to leave us all without any hope.

Where is our President, he of the golden oratory but lack of drive? Where is the hope from the White House? Where is the pressure to deliver hope and equality from this administration? Missing in action.

I know what it looks like for a person to be working for our greater good. I haven’t seen it. I had such hope in 2008. Now all I have is hope that my food stamps come through this week.

An Open Letter to My Senators

2010-05-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

May 2, 2010

Dear Senators Boxer and Feinstein:

My last unemployment check came the first week of April.

Yesterday I went out to talk to someone about some work and I could not find her. I almost ran out of gas trying to find her.

After putting a little bit of gas in my car so I could continue looking for work this week, I now have $7 left.

I have been unemployed for over a year. Despite what lots of nasty people say, I do not sit around waiting on that check to come. I have interviewed on numerous occasions only to finish second every time.

Maybe I am too old to work again, after all I have hit the magic number of 55 where apparently employers draw the invisible line. All my peers without work are experiencing the same phenomenon, we are all too old. Of course no one is going to come right out and create a law suit for themselves by admitting this.

However, look at the fastest growing age group and they we are. Friends in IT tell me they are terrified of losing their job if they have gray hair.

I make a lot of effort to give back to my community. Last weekend I volunteered with the local La Mesa Verde program to assist a family planting a garden in its back yard to produce their own healthy food.

But Senators, where is the understanding from Washington that so many people are hurting? We need another unemployment extension. It is time to act on our behalf, without fear, the same way we have to face each day, despite rejection after rejection.

We, the unemployed, are staring over a precipice, looking at loss after loss. Our homes gone, our lives destroyed through greed, avarice and an uncaring system that has spit us out as collateral damage, unneeded any longer. We need you to listen to the pain, the anguish. the cries of us weeping from all the loss.

That was me crying in my room last night, maybe you heard me? No one in DC seems to hear those moments of terror and pain and loss. Did someone hear us?

I was wondering what I was going to do on Monday with $7. Eat maybe? Probably not.

Perhaps someone could see into my room last night as I lay weeping on my floor, asking for someone to believe in.

Please do something to help. Really, our lives depend on you.

Sincerely,

Gloria

AZ part 1

2010-04-28T19:59:00.000-07:00

“It is open season on the Latino community in Arizona. In Phoenix, Tucson, and across the state, people in Latino neighborhoods are afraid to leave their houses, afraid to be apart from their children for even a minute, and afraid to walk the streets because they feel their arrest on suspicion of being an undocumented immigrant could happen at any moment. It is a horrifying glimpse at what our future holds across the country if we continue down the path the Obama administration is leading us on immigration.” – Congressman Luis Gutierrez, Huffington Post

This election season has seen the return of the scourge of the Mexican immigrant, the identified source of all problems in the United States. The state of Arizona has seen fit to pass a clearly unconstitutional law giving law enforcement virtually unlimited power to question and detain any person they want, demanding ID’s birth certificates, green cards. The bill, SB 1070, while not signed by the governor yet, sits as a sword of Damocles over the head of the Latino community in Arizona.

So, can’t they do that anyway? Well, yes police should be able to question “suspicious” people, monitoring people with criminal records, acting suspiciously not just because that person is brown.

Law enforcement used to do the same things to gay and lesbian people many moons ago. There were the laws that prevented two people of the same gender from dancing together. We could not gather in places for socializing without fear of police raids. Anyone remember Stonewall? Our forefathers and foremothers always faced the threat of arrest for gathering in a public place.

Many of us sit at that intersection of being brown and queer. We are either immigrants, children of immigrants or grandchildren of immigrants. In a country where grown men are parading around in wigs and funny hats, packing guns, with brown people the target of their concern and their guns it is absolutely a moral imperative that queers of all colors recognize this for the social justice issue it is.

We have been targeted by laws and elections, made to be the identified problem, the others, the outliers who don’t deserve equality nor civil rights. Latinos and queers, queers and Latinos, Latino/a queers, queer Latina/o we live outside the circle of normal people in the US.

We live in cities with Spanish names, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, El Paso, Santa Fe, San Jose, in a Spanish named state, California and Texas. We eat at restaurants where the staff is Latino/a, they wash our dishes, our cars and sometimes clean our houses.

The argument that undocumented people have broken the law and therefore cannot have a path to citizenship is a red herring. In years past, it was illegal for two people of the same gender to have sex. It was illegal to gather and dance together. And it is still legal to discriminate against us in our relationships, work and public accommodations in many states. We can make some people uncomfortable just by our presence. That doesn’t make us criminals. We are all the outliers.

For us as queer Latinos, it is our families in Arizona that are under attack. Since we all have different priorities and for many of us, this immigration battle in Arizona takes precedence over DADT or ENDA. Hopefully we can chew gum and be activists on many fronts all at once.

For us as queer people of this land, we have a history that many of us have drilled into our heads.

We didn’t cross the borders, the borders crossed us.

Si se puede, egualidad en nuestras vidas.

Real lives in Arizona

2010-04-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

I want to tell you another story. I want to tell you about my friend Greg who lives in Arizona. He works at a major university and moved there for love. He and his partner own a home, pay their taxes and are part of their community. Nice men, they have come to visit us and we had a rollicking time in Santa Cruz with them.

The Governor of Arizona doesn’t feel these two men should be equal citizens. One of her first acts as the new Governor was to take Domestic Partnership benefits away from state employees like my friend. They lose their combined insurance on Oct 1.

This is a problem to begin with for any family that loses insurance – but it is especially relevant to them because my friend’s partner has Alzheimer’s. And he is the one losing the insurance.

We cannot change who we are anymore than we can change our diseases. I distinctly remember a time when gay men were blamed for getting AIDS. It wasn’t that long ago. As the shrillness ramps up here and on the net, I will point out, that there are still people who think we should be able to change and therefore should change who we are. I can’t change being a Chicana anymore than I can change my queerness. Neither can my undocumented queer brothers and sisters change who they are.

This attempt at law, as it is written and passed now, will not survive the court challenges. This is a blatant move to bypass the constitution. In Sunday’s New York Times the point was obvious:

One night last week, Grant Woods, the former state attorney general, spent more than an hour on the telephone with Gov. Jan Brewer, a fellow Republican who was considering whether to sign into law the nation’s toughest immigration enforcement bill.

The governor listened patiently, Mr. Woods recalled, as he laid out his arguments against the bill: that it would give too much power to the local police to stop people merely suspected of being illegal immigrants and would lead to racial profiling; that some local police officers have been abusive toward immigrants; and that the law could lead to costly legal battles for the state.

When he hung up, Mr. Woods knew he had lost the case. “She really felt that the majority of Arizonans fall on the side of, Let’s solve the problem and not worry about the Constitution,” he said.

The same people who passed that immigration law, took away DP benefits.

There are queers among the undocumented who had to leave in a hurry because they are gay. There are people from the US who are in relationships with undocumented people.

LGBT groups, cities, human rights commissions all over the country are mobilizing a boycott of Arizona.

Many people in the country think of us as LGBT people as freaks, less than equal, illegal. If we were all legal and equal we wouldn’t need to protest inequalities like DADT, ENDA, adoption laws, gay bashings. We are all the “others”, we are the outliers that continue to be unequal.

Sacrificing our souls

2010-04-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

His name is Stephen McCarthy.

He was a classmate at St Justin's Catholic school from the 4th to the 6th grade. His hair was red and he had loads of freckles. His face was a virtual map of Ireland. I am sure his parents sent him him to Catholic school to get a good education. They didn't send him there, I am guessing, to be paddled in front of his 49 classmates every year.

Last night I lay awake thinking about my classmate. The look on his face when he was ordered to the front of the classroom. When he had to bend over so the nun could take a PADDLE to his butt, the back of his legs. The tears in his eyes, the red of his face all on display for the rest of us. The message was clear. Don't mess with the teachers or this will happen to you.

This physical and spiritual violence is not the same as being sexually molested. It is not the same level of disturbing behavior. I don't pretend to make them equivalent. But ask yourself this, if this was your child, would you allow a teacher to touch them in any way like this? Would you deem it acceptable that your son or daughter was marched to the front of the classroom and told to bend over to get whacked?

Last night I cried as I remembered the pain of Stephen and so many others who were taught through a church hierarchy that allowed nuns and priests to behave in any way they wanted. Out.Of.Control. Protected by god and the greatest religious institution on the planet to be virtually infallible.

well they are not infallible, they are barely human. In 2008 the Church involved itself in the Prop 8 vote. I am baptized Catholic but I didn't count in that vote. It was about the married couples I would terrorize in the church with my, I don't know cooties. I keep hearing how this is about protecting the sacred institution of marriage. Funny, I thought the confessional was a sacred place and confession was a sacred institution. Now the revelations in Wisconsin show the offending priest who was never held accountable by the Vatican, violated children in the confessional. I guess some things are more sacred than others and some priests are more disgusting than others.

Look around the globe and see how many children have been fathered by priests. So much for that celibacy thing. How about the former archbishop of New Mexico who fathered a child and placed known pedophile priests throughout New Mexico after completion of their "pray away the problem" treatments in NM. When asked by a grand jury why he had allowed the pedophiles to remain priests and placed them throughout a mostly rural, Catholic state the answer was priceless. Apparently he was of the understanding that an abortion or hitting a priest was a bigger sin than pedophilia.

Once again, during the supposed holiest week of the year, the Vatican seeks to portray its victims as liars. The children it abused (now there are allegations of flogging by priests visited on children) have bravely stepped forward to tell their truth. Once again the old familiar claim that they are making it up from the Prada clad types in Rome.

If you are witnessing a massacre, people being hurt and maimed in front of your eyes, would you not want to save the children? The Vatican has answered that question, they are trying to save themselves.

My family is still waiting for that apology from the 1968 slapping of my sister. I am not holding my breath.

Stephen McCarthy if you ever read this, I am sorry for not trying to stop the abuse. You didn't deserve it. None of us did. We were just kids.

Enough!!!!

2010-03-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

Warning!!! If you think the Pope is infallible, don't read this. If you think the church is being attacked for its inability to protect children in its care, don't read this.

I went to a Catholic school in Santa Clara, Ca. So did my siblings. My sister was pulled out of that Catholic school the day after she slapped by a nun in front of her entire class. The nun then told the entire class they could not tell their parents what happened. Violence followed by an order from a nun to lie.

She was in public school the next day. I remained in the same school simply because I was a few weeks away from graduating from the eighth grade. Thankfully, many of her classmates did not obey the order to lie to the their parents and the phone was ringing that night with parents calling to talk to my parents about the violence my sister suffered in public that day.

Now I see the church has enlarged its ability to violate children. Not that this has been a big secret for a long time. But each day over the last few weeks we continue to see the centuries old pattern of the catholic church. Blame the victims, absolve the church members. I find it ironic that with the current Pope a German they have responded with a classic Nuremberg defense.

I find the violations visited on the 200 boys at a school for the deaf to be particularly revolting. No one believed them then that a priest was violating them in every way imaginable, even in the confessional. Yet, it is the child, now an adult, who is at fault. One deaf man, in particular, continues to stand brave in the face of attacks. Arthur Budzinski continues to ask for answers and accountability. In sign language. I applaud his bravery and commitment to telling his truth.

All of these secrets, lies and obfuscation are vulgar, in my mind. Having gone through the process of receiving all the sacraments, including the little slap on the cheek for confirmation, I will continue to believe in what I was taught in Catholic school. Lying is wrong. Cheating is wrong. Our jobs are to feed the poor, clothe the unclothed and act as if being a child of God means you act with integrity and honor. I don't see that coming from the Vatican nor did I see that from St Justin's school in the 1960's.

That is a span of over 40 years. What will it take for the Vatican to be accountable to its "flock" and really take care of the children and not just its power?

The only time I will return to the church will be for a relative's funeral. Until then (and I hope it is a really long time) I will follow the teaching to help those who need help. To bring kindness into the world and see the work of a spirit greater than myself in the animals, flowers and people who seek peace in the world.

BTW, Jesus never said a word about gayness so I am going to keep telling the truth of my life.

The World has changed, again.

2010-03-24T14:57:00.001-07:00

I have added a correction, in bold to a comment Speaker Perez made about repealing Prop 8. This is my mistake and not him walking back anything.

The world has significantly changed this week for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender population. Some significant events to note:

Wedding licenses were issued to same sex couples in Washington D.C.

Mexico City allowed same sex marriages to begin there.

John Perez was sworn in as Speaker of the California State Assembly, the first openly gay person to occupy this top of the food chain position not only in California but in the country. Add the Latino part and you have a Latino gay man leading the Cal Assembly.

The world has changed.

In a conference call on Tuesday, Speaker Perez talked with LGBT media about his priorities as Speaker this year. He obviously is making efforts to make the Assembly more transparent by limiting texting while lawmakers are on the floor.

Education is a priority for him and he wants to take advantage of his new positions on the UC Regents board as well as sitting on the CSU board of Trustees to review fiscal policies and the impact of those policies on students. Rising tuitions and over crowded classrooms have a significant impact on the accessibility of all California students to advanced studies.

Today (Thursday) there are statewide protests by students regarding these very issues. Speaker Perez (that looks so awesome) is concerned about the breadth and depth of financial resources available and what cuts will mean to grants such as CalGrants for students in California.

Also among his priorities in the upcoming budget he said "AIDS is a real priority for me." He did lead the charge last year against the Governorâ€™s attempts at cuts that turned out to be illegal. With the Governor having slashed all prevention money, the Speaker will be coming to the budget talks with a different set of priorities this year. He said this will be a "new relationship with the Governor."

The world has changed. A gay Latino is leading the Assembly.

When queeried about his position on repealing Prop 8, the Speaker was unflinching in his analysis. He felt "there was no practical way to overturn Prop 8 this year." The lack of signatures and funding were fatal to any efforts this year.

In terms of the past Prop 8 campaign, he said that all the Latino electeds were on board with us. All his colleagues in Southern California supported the No on 8 campaign. We must "invest in education" and talk to people we didnâ€™t talk to last time, Latinos, African Americans, working people.

Speaker Perez feels the ultimate solution to the problems plaguing California is to work in greater coalition. "We must invest in a broader approach" to coalition work and problem solving.

Many moons ago, my family, my Latino community was very excited about the new world that awaited them, not working in fields, getting educations for themselves and their children, having people represent us in different places. When well known singer Eydie Gorme started singing older Mexican songs with the famous Trio Los Panchos on the Ed Sullivan Show, we knew we had arrived. A real star was embracing her roots and singing in our language. No hiding, no changing the subject about Mexican roots but luxuriating in her browness.

I wonâ€™t say Speaker John Perez is the Latino LGBT Eydie Gorme (wait I just said it!) but it is a big ceiling that he has cracked. And just like Pete Wilson said, "They just keep coming and coming." You betcha, si se puede, adelante we are right behind you John!

The world has changed for the better..

Someone Didn't Get the Memo, Meg

2010-03-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

I watched the 10 o'clock and 11 o'clock news while wading through seed catalogues. Besides the usual depressing murders, unemployment and impending educational cuts was the story of Meg Whitman's tour of Southern Pacific train yards at the Port of Oakland.

This was not your usual press gaggle following a candidate on a tour of a key component of California's economy. No this was in fact a punishment of the media. While the press had been told they were going to go on the tour with the candidate, they were in fact, sequestered because of an apparent break out of cooties as determined by MEGabucks' staff.

The media were put in a holding room for, hmmmm, two hours? Then she had a sit down with Mr Southern Pacific but wouldn't take questions. WHAT???? Why invite the media???

As I said, someone did not get the memo on campaigns. In the film last night, Whitman's campaign people were scolding the media for asking questions as if the press,who I will remind again,were invited to this, were still cootie covered and must be rushed out the door lest the contamination spread to those who would rule one of the largest economies in the world.

In October I heard Madeline Albright say "The hottest places in hell are for women who don't help other women." So rather than disappointing all those nuns who put so much effort into disciplining my sister and I, I will offer some unasked for advice. No hot place in hell for this gal.

Madam Candidate, I have no idea why you want to be governor of California. I am also at a point where I don't care why. What ideas you have offered as a cure all for this debacle we are living in except to cut the size of government? As if this has not already been done by everyone. And that is what we need, more unemployed.

The memo should say that you must go out and find out what people need. Your ideas must be conveyed in an adult manner, not preceded by nannernannernanner, Steve Poisner has cooties.

So I will point out this campaign is your job interview. So far you seem to have no grasp on what the issues are for the millions of people in this state who are struggling, having to make a decision between food and medicine, wondering if they will ever get a paycheck again. We will be the ones voting in November and guess what??? This may come as a surprise to both you and your staff but my vote counts the same as yours. My sister, my mom, my aunt, my neighbors all those people you are ignoring, we all have one vote. Funny, that democracy.

That lame apology on tv last night too, when you were sorry that the event didn't turn out the way you thought it would, well it was lame. Who is in charge at your campaign then? Aren't you? If you are not, who is in charge, let me talk to them. Remember this is your interview.

Looks like you are as qualified to run the state as I am to run ebay. Neither of us have the experience to do a good job.

Show me what real faith looks like

2009-11-22T12:59:00.000-08:00

I am a recovering Catholic. I have survived every sacrament, five years of Catholic school, numerous Catholic funerals and the brutal regimens of wearing a uniform, overseen by strict nuns who were not averse to using physical punishment.

My sister was yanked out of school one day after a nun pulled her and another child to the front of the classroom and slapped them both right across the face. Then the entire class was told they could not tell anyone what had just happened. Naturally my mom got a number of calls that night from other parents upset about what happened. She was out of uniform the next day and at the public school.

As an institution designed to provide spiritual guidance, the Catholic Church has had some horrific failures. Looking back over the years we can see the Crusades, the Inquisition, the colonialization of the American west with its subjugation of American Indians. In recent history, the proliferation of pedophile priests without any Church intervention has caused not only loss of millions of dollars but also a loss of spiritual leadership.

In Spanish, there is a phrase, sin verguenza, which literally translates to “without shame.” The Catholic Church has become a sin verguenza. After all this history of untold pain and suffering they have entered new territory of creating the same kind of pain for gays and lesbians through the electoral process.

After the loss of Prop 8 in California, it was revealed that the current archbishop of San Francisco, George H. Niederauer, began this plot against gay people. In previous work as a priest, Niederauer was in Utah and formed relationships with his Mormon brethren. From this unholy alliance sprung Prop 8.

We know the outcome of this effort. Then the spawn of Prop 8 in Maine, Question 1, appeared with the same antagonists, same ending. Now the Catholics have thrown a big tantrum in Washington D.C. saying they will pull themselves away from their $10 million dollars worth of contracts to feed and house the poor, if, gasp, the District allows gay marriage. This recovering Catholic cannot help but wonder if they had spent half as much energy dealing with their flock of pedophiles how many lives would have been spared?

A few years back during my time in New Mexico, there was a huge controversy between the Church and the arts community in Santa Fe.

When we had first moved there, the controversy at that time was the grand jury testimony of the Archbishop of Albuquerque. The holy man had fathered a child with a parishioner and had full knowledge of the rampant pedophilia occurring in northern New Mexico.

In fact, a high number of priests who were known pedophiles were sent to pray their way out of this problem at a retreat in the Jemez mountains. When they were “cured” they were released to do the lord’s work in New Mexico with the Archbishop’s blessing. I bet you know what happened then.

The Archbishop testified to the grand jury that, yes, he knew about these problems. But he thought that hitting a priest and having an abortion were greater sins.

(A brief background is here from the NY Times.)

Now with this as a backdrop, an exhibit comes to Santa Fe with this picture in it. It is a representation of the Virgin of Guadalupe. She is a mestiza, brown skinned woman in all representations, who showed herself to a Mexican Indian. Long considered the patron saint of the Americans, some of the locals went nuts.

That’s a polite way of saying it.

The artist, Alma Lopez, is a lesbian living in Los Angeles. The fact that a lesbian would put bare breasts in a picture of the Virgin made some people apoplectic. She had threats made to her life. The curator of the show, Tey Marianna Nunn, was set upon by the mobs in Santa Fe as if she were Frankenstein and the mobs had pitchforks and torches. There were community forums, people who had known each other all their lives stopped talking to each other. There were out in the open brawls between men and women, traditionalists v progressives. Many lives were threatened.

Myself, I tried to instigate a few counter protests. If there were attempts to shut down the exhibit, CyberArte: Tradition Meets Technology, the feminists would chain ourselves to the front door and then take our tops off as a sign of solidarity. OK, not everyone thought the topless part was such a good idea.

In December of that year, I went to Mexico, to the border city of Ciudad Juarez, for the feast day of the Virgin, Dec 12. I had heard about this event for years and finally drove down to see it.

What I saw in Mexico were true expressions of faith and commitment to her service by thousands of people. I am sure I was the only one in the Plaza that night who even knew Alma Lopez or cared about her art. What was important was their faith in her.

Reverential looks, lips moving in silent prayer, many groups dancing to show their devotion to the Goddess of the Americas on her special day. People sat in the Cathedral for hours until the midnight hour so they could sing “Las Mañanitas” , our version of Happy Birthday. What was controversy for men who wear hats with the Virgin on it was irrelevant to these faithful.

So as the Catholic Church in DC continues to weep and wail and gnash its teeth, I wonder how the poor, the homeless, those suffering who the church is supposed to be serving, how do they feel that they are about to be tossed out because of some unknown gay and lesbian people who want their rights. Seems like another overreaction to me.

But then I don’t know how I could expect anything different from men who plotted for years to attack us over our marriages and thought a picture was more important than true belief and acts of faith. After all I am a recovering Catholic. We have been slapped too many times by this church. That won’t stop me from performing real acts of kindness. It shouldn’t stop any of us from showing our kindness and having a generosity of spirit.

Catholics (and Mormons) may think they are blocking our way but ultimately our acts of faith – faith in our cause, faith in ourselves – will get us to the finish line as equal citizens. Yes we have had setbacks but we haven’t lost our faith.

Artist Alma Lopez has her own blog and says her new married name Alma Lopez Gaspar de Alba. She writes that:

Alicia and I are working on editing a publication of essays titled Our Lady of Controversy: Alma Lopez’s Irreverent Apparition. Please read more about the Our Lady image and the controversy on my website at http://www.almalopez.com or http://www.almalopez.net. Either address leads you to the same site.

If you are an artists (or if you know an artist, please forward) who has created an image using the icon of the Virgen of Guadalupe, please submit your work for consideration to be included in the DVD which will accompany this book.

This publication with DVD will be published by the University of Texas Press (Chicana Matters Series) in the Fall of 2010.

Elizabeth Edwards helped my breaking heart

2009-11-05T21:15:00.000-08:00

While living in New Mexico, I heard many folk stories. Tales of emergence, creation stories, even UFO sightings. One in particular has always had a profound impact on me, the story of Apache tears.The story says that some Apaches were all lost in a battle with the colonizers. The men were all killed. When the women found out they had lost all the men, they cried such pure tears of grief, the gods were so moved they captured the tears and made them into the stones, the Apache tears. So now we are witness to the tears of the Apache women and their grief. Today there are Apache tears from Maine all across the country.

Grief, such a small word for feelings that can swallow a life.

At Maria Shriver’s Women’s Conference in Long Beach, Ca, on October 27th, a panel of women who look from the outside that they have rich, fulfilled lives, opened themselves to 15,000 participants to talk about their own grief.

Maria Shriver, the First Lady of California, moderated the panel. Elizabeth Edwards, a mother who lost her teenage son in a car accident, Lisa Niemi, Patrick Swayze’s widow and actress Susan St James who also lost a teenage son in a plane accident, talked honestly and emotionally about their grief.

The lessons are many, especially for us in the LGBT community. Each woman spoke about the challenges of facing a life without their children, husband and mother. How does one accept a life when the calls no longer come from your mother or that you will no longer see your child? How does one face a husband who has cheated on you and that the entire country knows what he has done?

For us, how do we live our lives when we have been told we are second-class citizens time and time again? How do we face a day having lost our partners, our brothers and sisters to an early death from a disease no one seems to care about any more?

The grief they talked about was so overwhelming, I felt paralyzed listening to the discussion. That gut wrenching, soul suffocating pain of loss had taken over my life in the past six weeks. I had no idea until I heard my pain being described by these women and realized I had curled up into a ball and let the pain take over everything.

Since the defeat of Proposition 8 in November, 2008 I have felt completely overwhelmed with grief. It wasn’t just my shove into second-class citizenship, it was loss of a job, then the loss of our house and the loss of a beloved dog. All the loss, the soul searching for a reason to get up in the morning that had become my life for weeks at a time.

Now we can add Maine to that list. We are now second-class, non-human beings in this country where our rights are voted on. The tyranny of the majority willingly believes the lies told by church after church both in California and Maine. Look at where the money for these campaigns comes from? Here is the link to the Maine money reports. http://www.mainecampaignfinance.com/public/entity_financial_transactions.asp?TYPE=BQC&ID=4528

Here is the link for the Prop 8 donors. http://www.sfgate.com/webdb/prop8/

So our community continues to be grief stricken and doing what to help our broken hearts? Some want to march, some want to go organize to go back in 2010 for another election. (I do not support that idea in anyway shape or form.)

Elizabeth Edwards said with such clarity that if one does not heal one’s self internally all the grief will come out sideways – as rage, anger or other behavior that is not good either for ourselves or the people we care about.

I wonder, can we heal ourselves after these defeats? Can we treat each other well? Can we say to the people in Maine, you did a magnificent job and here is my hand so I can help you up when you are ready? And get up we must. Probably not today, maybe not tomorrow but at some point we must get up. Elizabeth Edwards, a woman with stage 4 cancer, offered her hand to me, a total stranger, and helped me get up to fight another day. Betsy Smith, can I offer you my hand when you are ready to get up? Can all of us do that when the chance comes to comfort another?

Maybe not but I promise we make ourselves better people when we have compassion and show our generosity of spirit. We can all help heal each other in this small way.

Of course we will win someday. I remember asking Del Martin once about why she would work on marriage if she may not see marriage in her lifetime. It was always about the people coming behind her, “I’m doing it for them.” Del beat the clock by two months, she died married to Phyllis Lyon. No one can take that away. Del had faith in the movement, in all of us, to keep getting back up and keep going to the end. I think I made that same promise to Elizabeth Edwards. Maybe not in so many words but in my heart, I promise to keep going. Grab my hand and we’ll walk this path together. Maybe we will pick up a few on the way! I'll be the one with Apache tears in my pocket.

Check these out

2009-10-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

Haven't been blogging much here lately. I am now on the SF Chronicle, Bilerico and LGBTPOV
I will continue to pop in here and submit other original work.

Remembering 9/11

2009-09-11T16:03:00.000-07:00

Today is a sad day in the annals of this country. Eight years ago we lost so many Americans which led to losing so many more Americans in a war started on lies, pomposity and subterfuge. I better be careful or Sarah Palin will start calling me out on her Facebook page. I'm white with fear.

On November 4, 2008, 16,000 people went into legal limbo because we had gotten married after the California Supreme Court said we could stay married but no one else could join our country club.

These two moments in history are related because of Alice Hoagland. We all met Alice the day she came to the rally in downtown San Jose the Saturday after the election. She was wearing a picture button of her son, Mark Bingham, a gay man who was on the United flight 93 which crashed in Pennsylvania. Alice took the mic that day and talked about her loss, our loss of a man named Mark who helped stop that flight from crashing into the White House or the Capitol.

Alice is an amazing woman, exactly the kind of mom we may all have wanted at some time in our lives. She has thrown herself full bore into the causes Mark believed in-LGBT equal rights, air safety and rugby. Whenever we have meetings about events and planning, Alice is with us offering heartfelt, smart opinions.

She knows our lgbt history better than most people I know. She has brought her mother's heart to our battle and will not be silenced about her loss and our loss of Mark. Alice has been walking this path with us and offering her strength to get us through the losses and set backs.

The government sent her to Guantanamo to witness the trial of Khalid Sheik Mohamed. She described her trip as seeing the face of evil in front of her. Alice was quoted on the front page of the New York Times from her time in Guantanamo. This is no shrinking violet!

Today is the anniversary of her loss. Our country's loss, the LGBT community's loss and a reminder that we can all be heroes when the opportunity presents itself. Unfortunately, Mark's heroism cost him his life.

His mother carries on for him. Alice is a great woman, a true partner in the struggle for equality. I wish I had never met her and that her son was among us, living a fulfilled life. That wasn't Mark Bingham's story though. He gave us the gift of his mother instead.

I wish I had met Mark while he was among us. I am certainly grateful for his gift of Alice. Please take a moment today and remember Mark and all the others who lives ended tragically today. Please remember their families, the people who love them and the pain they have today as a reminder of that dark day.

Please remember the bright lights that remain among us carrying their sorrow in so many hidden ways. Their pain is our pain, we remain a country wounded but still surviving.

Thank you Mark for your sacrifice. Thank you Alice for all you do and who you are to all of us.

California

2009-07-28T21:03:00.000-07:00

I got married on August 30, 2008 during the summer of love. My one year anniversary is coming up soon. Our 20 year anniversary is on August 14. Most of that time we have lived in California, with a decade in New Mexico.

I did all my growing up in California, schools, drinking, getting arrested, getting sober, getting politically active and educated. From the really bad days of AIDS to Prop 187 and now Prop 8, I have struggled in the trenches to do the right thing to win at the ballot box.

Let me be clear now. I am not and have not been part of the “leadership” in California even though I have a strong, experienced background in the science of elections. There was no Latino leadership in the November election aside from that provided by mi hermanos in LA, HONOR PAC. I do not fall into the scorned category of “those people” who have been in charge.

Trying to be a cool chick all the time, I have been riding the wave of the recession for a couple of years now, few jobs, lots of unemployment. My spouse and I are in the process of losing the house we were married in. After four months, I have gotten my first unemployment check. I do not have the resources to go to meetings for a weekend in a place as far away as San Bernadino. At 54 I also will not tolerate heat and, trust me, being cooped up in a hot room for hours is a recipe for an arrest.

At this point I am writing this because I want to make some observations about the strong disagreements in the LGBT community in California. It is truly irresponsible for me to not say something at this point and try to bring my point of view from where I live.

One of the key issues that I continue to see is the total unwillingness to listen to each other. This next campaign is supposed to be about changing hearts and minds among the electorate. Yet in meeting after meeting we do not listen well to each other and from that springs growing animosity towards other LGBT people. So without these skills how in the hell are we supposed to listen to the California electorate who does not agree with us right now?

Does anyone truly think that by just showing up on people’s doorsteps they will welcome us in and want to hear our stories? These conversations require the ability to listen to other people’s beliefs and not just maintain a superior attitude that we know best how people should vote. Do we magically take the place of their clerics or their religious community?

What is even more important is that vast numbers of people do not know us. In the Latino community, it is necessary to spend time with us to gain any measure of trust. That means going to different events, sharing some values with us, like is poverty or immigration an issue for us too. If it is, prove it.

Ask yourself when was the last time you publicly supported an issue where you had nothing to gain? Support for immigration reform? March for Iranian freedom? What have we all done to work for other causes? I will give a shout out here for Courage Campaign who does a great job of working on the multiple issues that we face as progressives.

But really, can we back up a little here? A lot of paens I have read about going in 2010 have not dealt at all with the issue of people of color in California. Just in case you missed the demographics on the Golden State, we are a majority minority state. The majority of people in California are minorities, primarily Latino. So to have these opinions completely skip over the statement made by people of color organizations, the Prepare to Prevail, does not take into full account the true demography here.

In Karen Ocamb’s blog post at the Bilerico Project about the San Bernadino meeting, she quotes at least two participants wanted to ignore the African American and Latino communities in the next votes. That’s a good idea - don’t deal with a significant part of the state. Wouldn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable now.

We must engage everyone in this next battle. Communities of color are saying there is not enough time to do this for a 2010 vote. Does anyone really think we don’t want our full equality? But what happens if we lose again? Who gains from that?

My community, the Latino community must be engaged in this vote if we are to win true equality. We know what discrimination is and we don’t like it. There was polling a few years back about marriage in the Latino community. It was done all over the country in both Spanish and English. The results were the same, when discrimination was described to the participants, we totally understood what it meant. Doesn’t anyone want us to do this task properly? Then give us the needed time to do it!

I have one more thing to mention. There is now an attempt to put another anti-immigrant measure on the 2010 ballot. In the same way we were used as political piñatas in 2008, so will the brown people be used next year. The same people will be involved voting against civil rights of another group of people.

In the last election over Prop 187, we lost. In the aftermath we discovered there were 5 million people in California who were eligible to become citizens and had not done so yet. The effort is going on now to make sure we have gotten all eligible people in California ready to be citizens by November 2010. The battle was ugly, racist, a pitched battle for the soul of the state. The voters believed all the lies about what immigration was “costing” us the same way they believed the lies about us.

Whether we like it or not, there are many unpleasant conversations in the future. Unpleasantries with our families, our co-workers, our neighbors are coming. We should be able to turn to each other to support in the days ahead. But the name calling, insults, the demands of “my way or the highway” campaigning or the covert and overt racism does not make that unity possible. If we cannot trust each other, who can we trust.

I have many beefs with the way the last campaign was run. I have called people out in public for their mean spirited behavior. I may forgive but I won’t forget. I also won’t make the same mistakes twice like allowing the Latino community to be ignored the next time. So don’t get me wrong since I consistently can’t get a job with these campaigns despite my abilities, I will find a way to get around the road blocks. I also will not be insulted and degraded for being a grass roots person of color who worked on the No on 8 campaign.

But I will listen and agree on some arguments being made for 2010. I also don’t think it should be too hard to practice listening to each other and finding a way to do this without hurting each other. We have to find a way to lean on each other otherwise we are not a movement but kids who don't play well with each other.

The test is here let's make this a movement.

Sanford and puns

2009-06-24T12:58:00.000-07:00

Iraq continues to be a bloody quagmire. Check out HuffPo and Nico Pitney's live blogging there. Andrew Sullivan continues to bring updates also. I feel so sick inside watching the videos from Iraq. But seeing what real bravery and commitment to democracy looks like makes me want to support the Iraqi people even more. Especially the women that are leading this effort.

In the meantime, another Republican is added to the hypocrisy list. The guy who didn't want stimulus money, which, as Ana Marie Cox has pointed out, has a whole new meaning, apparently ran off to Argentina to do the tango mattress dance with his mistress. Here is a good little parody of his lies about where he was.

Repeat after me

2009-06-23T00:07:00.000-07:00

The revolution in Iran is not about the US. Not one bit. Not even a hint. Time for everyone to get over the USitis and recognize shit happens in the world that is not about us.

Plenty to Be Proud About

2009-06-18T11:09:00.001-07:00

The rainbow flags are up on Market street. The excitement builds til next weekend with the patented Dyke March and Pink Saturday leading up to one of the most massive Pride parades on the face of the earth. This is fun for lots of people. Not so much for me.

It's not that I don't love a good parade. I revel in the tractor parade at the Santa Cruz Fair every year. The neighborhood Fourth of July is fun, too. But here's the problem for me, I am, in a politically correct sort of way, vertically challenged. Translation: I'm short, damn short.

So it becomes impossible to see much around all the very tall people there. They certainly do not see me and I have had way too much beer splashed on me over the years, followed by the "Oops, didn't see you" refrain. I don't drink alcohol so getting beer accidentally spilled on me isn't much fun.

But I noted that this week is Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin's wedding anniversary. They were married as the first couple in California in City Hall by the handsome mayor. The pack of people in the room was just filled with excitement at seeing this piece of our history in front of our eyes. It was even funny for us menopausal types trying to shed jackets as the room heated up from bodies dealing with hormones.

Outside, there were hundreds of people celebrating this moment. Additionally there were ugly, hateful signs decrying what was happening inside. I kept thinking, why this level of hate against two eighty year old women who just want their relationship recognized after 55 years. How does this hurt anyone?

Before all you biblically correct people start the bleating about different opinions and religious freedom, I dare you to tell me one thing these women did to hurt you? Yes, you personally so that you and your followers were so enraged that you had to run up the steps of City Hall as we walked in to scream hateful speech at us? Jewelle, you had the perfect response and then kept right on going to our date with history. Thank you.

I have my current issue of Us Weekly magazine here by my side. The cover is classic. Makes my point completely about all these fallacies about the sanctity of marriage. The four headlines on the cover :"Adam comes out gay." "Jon cheated on her birthday." "Heidi Pratt-Tears, Lies and Torture," and "Ashlee and Pete Marriage in Crisis." Guess who looks the happiest? Yep, Adam the gay guy from American Idol.

So next time you have the desire to do something that preserves the sanctity of marriage, here's some suggestions: Senator John Ensign, Senator Larry Craig, Congressman David Vitter and that towering testimony to hypocrisy and cheating, Newt Gingrich. Wait, I almost forgot Rush and his three wives. Go talk them. The rest of us want to just get on with our lives. Not to mention going back to the ballot box because that is our right. Whether you like it or not.

Posted By: Gloria Nieto (Email) | Jun 18 at 10:22 AM

Silence=Death, still

2009-06-08T21:25:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, my friend Larry told me at a dance that he had just been diagnosed with AIDS. He was 27. WE sat and cried, held hands as we walked back to our hotel and promised each other we would fight this together. He died less than a year later.

My relationship with Larry was just the beginning of my time spent with people living with AIDS. I, too, have the long list of friends who are no longer here. I shared a Halloween birthday with Gary. His partner Chet with the wonderful, sparkling laugh always made me feel special. Jay, the very busy man who one day woke up and realized he didn't want to be so busy anymore so he quit everything, his job, his volunteer activities, all of it. He was dead less than a year later.

There were men, women, children, all struck down with this disease and living a very short time after their diagnosis. Their contributions were many, their lives lived preciously every day. The lessons they shared with us were many. I even remember Jay saying to me that he measured his problems based on one thing, "Will this matter a year from now?"

Now we have AIDS drugs. Protease inhibitors, cocktails to slow down the progression of the disease have caused a shift in many viewpoints on AIDS. People are living a long time now so this is now a chronic disease, not what was causing walking cadavers back in the day. My spouse's friend, Gary, held on so he could be Grand Marshal of the Santa Cruz Pride parade. Then he went home and died that night.

The only drugs available were the pain killing drugs. We became experts at administering morphine - two for you, one for me - in the singsong manner meant to cheer up the patient and the caregiver. No we weren't taking any, just playing a form of jump rope to alleviate their pain and the horrible deaths we were watching in front of our eyes.

California appears to be heading back to those horrible days of AIDS without life saving drugs. Millions are being cut from the state budget for the funding of these drugs and with those cuts are the federal funds that accompany these expenditures. Specifically California is cutting HIV/AIDS funding by $80 million. We will also lose $88 million in federal and an estimated $234 million in private matching funds.

There are lots of horrible cuts coming that could mean death for the poor, elderly and the sick. Education will surely suffer. I keep seeing letters to the editors repeating the message, we didn't vote no on the measures so that you could punish the most vulnerable.

Many years ago there was an often used saying: Silence=Death. I can no longer stand silently and not keep my promise to Jay, Chet and Gary. It is time for the governor, the legislature and citizens of this state to find a way to solve these problems and not on the backs of the ones we are charged with aiding.

My friends died long painful deaths, covered in cancer, gasping for every breath. But I promised them that I would always remember them and keep their memories. They lived, they were loved and their lives mattered. Just like all the people in California who depend on the state to get them their drugs, I wonder who will tell them their lives are no longer important enough and they are not loved enough to get the drugs they need to stay alive?

Figure it out folks, this is your job! Hopefully no one dies while you are silent.

We'll be back.

2009-05-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

Doesn't matter how the courts ruled on Tuesday. We will be back.

Doesn't matter that this was a setback for equality. We will be back.

Doesn't matter if people think they are speaking for the Almighty. That's up to the Almighty. And we will be back.

Doesn't matter if we are sad, mad or want do something bad. We'll be back.

I asked Del and Phyllis once about marriage in their lifetimes. They both thought it would never happen in their lifetimes. But look what happened.

We know how to get up, we know how to help each other get up. In our time, with our families, communities, friends and allies, we will all be back.

Until the day comes when we can just sit down and be equal citizens, we will be back.

For the Love of a Lhasa

2009-05-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

A week ago today I had to say goodbye to one of the family, our lhasa apso, Chula. We had her for 13 years from New Mexico to California, crisscrossing until we got to what we thought was our forever home. It was Chula's forever home as long as she was with us.

She was the first dog and she opened my heart to a way of loving I never thought possible. It was love at first sight. Jo had her in the car when she came to get me at the Albuquerque airport from another trip. When I held her in my arms and looked in her face I knew there would never be another time in my life without a dog.

Now I slowly move through each day without that dog. I wait for her high pitched bark to tell me I have done something wrong, like closed the bedroom door with her on the other side. That was one amazing trait about lhasas, the incredible loyalty. Chula always wanted to be near one of us. If that meant in the yard, in the garage, sitting on the couch, that's where she wanted to be too.

I so miss her warm body next to mine while laying in bed while I read, Talking to her about her day and what she did while I was at work. What did her and her sisters do that day. Then she would loudly remind me that it was time for food or if the water bowl was low or if she wanted a walk.

It's so quiet around here now without her voice, her personality guiding the pace of the family. I sit, waiting, for some sign that she is ok without us. That she is taken care of were ever she is now. Maybe that she can take care of us now as we weep over our loss, the loss of a very much loved lhasa named Chula.

Judy and Karen sitting in a tree in two countries

2009-05-12T00:48:00.000-07:00

J & K sitting in two trees and two countries

My friend Judy left the country this week for Canada. Spring in Canada seems to make sense, the land is coming alive, new horizons, the Aurora Borealis is making appearances all over the northern hemisphere and there are still Canadian teams in the hunt for the Cup, eh?

Judy didn't go north for any of those reasons. She had to go to Canada to see the love of her life, Karen, a British citizen. Judy is a US citizen living in San Jose. Karen has all the correct paperwork, the passport, the visa, everything necessary for the visit. Thanks to our antiquated immigration system that doesn't recognize same sex bi-national couples, Judy went to Canada to meet Karen because a British citizen can fly into Canada with virtually no problem and enter the United States with, hopefully no problems

Here again with our old, broken system, they have to find a country which will allow them to live their lives together in peace, not hurting anyone and just wanting to grow old together. If they lived here in the U.S. they would have to pull up stakes every six months and relocate out of the country when Karen's visa ran out. I know lots of people who like living like that but these two would like to have a choice and not be ordered to live like that. Judy has mentioned more than once to me that she does not know where she and Karen will be for Christmas this year.

There is a chance their situation and thousands of other bi-national couples will get some relief. Locally, Congressman Mike Honda, D-San Jose, is co-sponsoring a bill (HR 1024), Uniting American Families Act (UAFA), along with Congressman Luis Gutierrez from Chicago to be included as part of immigration reform this year.

If Karen and Judy were a man and a woman I wouldn't even be writing about this. I mean really, man meets woman from England. Man falls in love with woman. She comes across the pond, loves it here in the Bay area. Has her own business, visas, always obeys the laws about when to stay and when to go. Man says lets get married, they say "I do." She turns out to be a wonderful singer, becomes an overnight sensation. Wait, wrong story.

The reality is they can get married in Canada but once they cross the border they get unmarried immediately. Say they are not in one of those areas that recognize marriage, like say Iowa. If something happens to them in Minnesota, there are no guarantees that they can even see each other if one is hospitalized. Is that right thing to do? Would any person have denied Phyllis the right to visit Del when she was dying?

So here it is, a broken system that doesn't recognize that people change, times have changed, situations have changed and some of us just want to live our lives with the person we love. We don't want to corrupt your children or encourage them to marry their own princess or prince but wouldn't that be swell if they found someone to love and who loved them like a prince and or princess?

Judy and Karen treat each other like princesses because Karen is from England and she knows royalty. But also because they have had to live long periods of time away from each other. Our government told them they had to live apart. So their time together is very precious.

Maybe if all of us treated our time together and our own princes and princesses so preciously then the thought of everyone being equal and all couples having the right to marry wouldn't be so scary after all.

An open letter to Governor Schwarzenegger from an unemployed California

2009-05-03T15:06:00.001-07:00

Dear Governor:

I hope you or someone will take a moment of time to read my letter here about my experiences with EDD. I know you are trying hard to get this economy corrected while also managing the multitude of problems within the state of California: the air we breathe,this flu, the ocean on our coasts, the redwoods, the homelessness, the budget, the prisons. It's a very long list

Unfortunately for me, I am one of those 2.2 million unemployed Californians, Governor. I have tried really hard to find a job but just like all the others out there, we continue to hope that something out there exists that will pay us enough to pay our bills and have something left over for food. We are all looking with not much luck. Some have even given up, lost

I turned to EDD for unemployment the first weekend after losing my job. Putting those forms online was brilliant. No waiting in lines, getting everything submitted correctly from the homey confines of one's house or library or even the EDD office with help all around really is quite helpful. What happened after that was anything but helpful.

My next contact from EDD was a letter which assigns me a telephone interview with an "interviewer" who will ask me questions about why I am no longer working at my former job. The letter has these questions listed on the back. It also has the time and date for this interview. I am warned that if I cannot make this interview I must contact EDD and reschedule. If I do not do so I will automatically be rejected for benefits. Very strict, very precise language as to the consequences for my not making this appointment.

But what, if any, consequences are there for EDD not showing up for the appointment? That's right, they never called. They didn't call Thursday or Friday either. I was literally on house arrest for all the rest of that week waiting for a call from an interviewer. No call ever came. Governor, is this any way to run a business?

In the meantime, I tried calling in to EDD. Anyone who has ever tried this knows what a battle this is. It takes literally over four minutes of pressing key pads to get to the end of the line and guess what happens? They literally hang up on you! The system is overloaded and they can't take your call so they just say hang up and say try again, click. Why on earth doesn't this system do that at the beginning of the call instead of making you hang on and go through all the bells and voices only to find out there is no one to help at the end? Click, no luck this time. Try again. It's not like being unemployed isn't frustrating enough but have to go through all this, too, is just down right aggravating.

I have also sent emails through the EDD site and that page says EDD has three days to answer my email. What this all says to me is that there are not enough people working there at EDD to serve the vast numbers of unemployed in California. How would a business that depends on good service survive if they had to only answer their email in three days? Not very well, I would imagine. In those three days they would have found somewhere else to go.

Because I sent my initial email on Wednesday I did not get a response until Sat with a phone number to call until Saturday. Of course that office was closed on a Saturday. I called first thing Monday morning and talked to a man who was not a trained interviewer but would ask me questions and pass his notes on to a trained interviewer who would then make a decision. So I was not interviewed by a trained staff, I don't know what his position was but he clearly did not have any idea of labor law. I had to explain to him the difference between hourly and exempt positions which is critical to my case. There were other issues that he did not understand and I had to spend a considerable amount of my interview time educating him about all manner of issues. Again, Governor, having enough staff, trained staff aleviates this problem and gives everyone a level playing.

Needless to say, I was turned down for unemployment. I am completing my appeal to be in the mail this week, well ahead of my 20 day deadline. However, I am concerned how long the appeal will take. My friend went through the whole process. He was terminated in October, appealed in November and his appeal wasn't heard until March. That is a six month process. It occurred even before the incredibly high unemployment California is experiencing now.

It is also my understanding that local Assembly and Senate offices are swamped with the same requests, helping get people through this process. Why? Because the EDD offices are so understaffed that if anyone's case falls outside a very small definition of qualifying for unemployment then we are denied what we have paid into and have to do the work to get our unemployment insurance. Again, more staffing and full training, if for only for temporary staffing, up to a year, helps us out here struggling, can you please find a way to help? The flu will pass faster than this recession but the recession will leave more disaster in its wake.

Thank you for listening. I assure you many lives hang in the balance these days. We need you as our advocate now more than ever.

Your constituent,

The unemployed but trying to be hopeful,

Gloria Nieto

I am still not recovered from the Sharks spectacular crash and burn in the first round of the playoffs so no mention of the Stanley Cup here. Can't even think about another season yet.

James D Houston - A California voice lost

2009-04-17T17:20:00.000-07:00

James D Houston - A California voice lost

California just won't be the same without the melodious voice and glorious words of James D Houston. He died yesterday at his home in Santa Cruz.

Through some sort of a magical stroke of good luck, I have been a close friend of his oldest daughter Cori, for over 30 years. We played soccer together for years in Santa Cruz. We connected one afternoon after finishing a tournament in Sacramento, sitting on a dock at the river next to the field where we had played.

We discovered that we were both literate, had actually thought about life, struggles, what we wanted to do with ourselves, kind of grown up, adult things. A special friendship was born in the steamy heat of a summer afternoon.

She opened her door to her family who lived in a special house near the water on the east side of Santa Cruz, explaining the architecture of a cupola, a widow's watch, the outdoor shower and what's that, what the heck is a hot tub? Why is this room full of a room full of typed index cards and a typewriter. Oh, both your parents write books. Like what kind of books?

Now almost all of these books are in my bookcases: Farewell to Manzanar, Snow Mountain Passage, Bird of Another Heaven, and Hawaiian Son. One of my favorite opening lines in a book was in one of his. Unfortunately you have to go to the link at my personal blog to read it otherwise my normally easy to get along with editors might not be so easy to get along with anymore.

Okay here it is but it is not a direct quote cus I don't have the book in front of me:

The man wakes up and turns to his wife.

"Do you wanto play county fair?"

Woman responds:

"What's county fair?"

"You sit on my face and I tell you how much you weigh."

See??? I couldn't have that in the Chronicle.

He was always Mr Houston to me because he was Cori's dad. Not in that Eddie Haskell kind of way, "Oh hello Mr. Cleaver." But more out of respect for my friend's father. Or maybe because he was an award winning local author, someone I aspired to emulate. As someone recently graduated with a degree in journalism from Chico State, I was impressed with his graciousness and easy going manner. Why was he like that? Was it his time in Santa Cruz and Hawaii? Or his confidence in his writing skills? A combination things or some other variable I had no knowledge of at age 23? I know, it was the old Mercedes and the Panama hat with the Hawaiian shirt!

Both Mr and Mrs Houston were always friendly and open to me, answering questions about how they wrote, how they got ideas for books, what drove them to complete books. Their writing styles were completely different, as different as they were as people and as different as a Japanese American and Anglo guy could be. What a surprise. Together they wrote one of the first books about the Japanese-American experience, Mrs Houston's experience in internment camps, Farewell to Manzanar.

During that time I had been going over there and just whining about every little thing. Drama, drama, drama, whine, whine. I read that book and was just embarrassed that I had complained so much to Mrs Houston after what she been through, imprisoned for years by her own government. I told Mr Houston about it once and he just smiled in a very knowing way, clapped me on the back and moved on.

Over the course of knowing a friend and her family for over 30 years there are vignettes, meals at the Santa Cruz wharf discussing politics, the unexpected death of Kathy Akao, Jeanne and Jim's niece, Cori's cousin, the weddings and always in the background the Hawaiian music. The Houston family, especially Mr Houston, was close friends with Hawaiian musician Eddie Kamae who came over to play at Cori's wedding. Mr. Houston wrote the book, Hawaiian Son, about Eddie. I have managed to compile stacks of Hawaiian music thanks to the introduction by James D. Houston.

The tears many of us shed today are for a man who had a life well lived. Aloha Jim. Mahalo for all the gifts you gave us while you were here.

Texas seems to have a surplus of idiot legislators

2009-04-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

From Think Progress among many outlets:

Texas lawmaker Betty Brown: Asians should change their names to make them easier for Americans to deal with.

What? Really?

Lee is too difficult? How about Chung? Wait, wait, I know, it's Chang, Low, or Lew. It's really those Japanese names, like Devin Setoguchi, a star forward for the San Jose Sharks. Perhaps Jeanne Wakatsuki Houston who wrote about her own painful experiences in one of America's most shameful chapters, imprisoning its own citizens on Japanese descent in the award winning "Farewell to Manzanar". How about Evergreen Community College Trustee Randy Okamura, that's a tongue twister. I bet Betty Brown, the Texas legislator who made this asinine comment and wanted the Asian population to change their names would surely like Randy to become Randy Smith or probably Randy Brown in order to make her life easier.

I grew up in Santa Clara Valley and it has always been a magnet for people seeking a better life. Before a silicon wafer was an idea and a computer was the size of an elephant, the valley was an agricultural hub, full of orchards, prunes, cherries, citrus and called the Valley of the Heart's Delight.

The population was not nearly as diverse as today. The current demographics show the population to be 64% either immigrant or children of immigrants. California is a majority minority state. We are growing and changing together in this valley. Our successes are interdependent on each other as much as our need to understand each other culturally.

Forming political coalitions has made us more effective. I have worked on campaigns with Asian candidates, learning different cultural norms, ways of approaching problems, respecting different points of views. I have always come away far more educated and wiser from the variety of experiences. In the Prop 8 elections, the Asian Pacific American (APA) population voted the most heavily for equality, well over 60% voted no. At my own wedding in August the guests were over 50% a combination of Latino and APA. I looked out and saw the faces of my friends, family and the reality of California.

In an earlier post about same sex marriage, someone said this lgbt civil rights movement is not the same as earlier movements based on race or gender. I wonder why, then, Dolores Huerta stands firmly with us? Coretta Scott King, when she was alive, said we are part of the civil rights movement. I know I can always count on State Assemblyman Paul Fong to stand up for equality for all no matter what setting, no matter how difficult the conversation. The same is true for San Jose City Councilor Madison Nguyen, Congressman Mike Honda, Asian Americans for Community Involvement Executive Director Michele Lew. It's a very long list of APA politicians who are allies and friends.

My generation understands a lot of things today. Our parents understand and our grandparents understand racism and discrimination. No one wants to be treated the way we have been treated. No camps, no name calling, no segregation, no calls to change our names. We wear our names proudly because it has taken us a long time to get to this place where our President has a different kind of name and a different color skin.

So, no, Ms Betty Brown, we are not going to change our names, not in Texas and not in California. For once it is not all about you and your folks. We learned that lesson, too.

Here's another really important one. When is your re-election? Lots of us are going send some money to your opponent. Maybe even go work on that campaign. Together.

Funny that

2009-04-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

Barry Bonds made me a hockey fan.

How did a California gal who has loved baseball and the San Francisco Giants her whole life become such a San Jose Sharks fan in a mere four years. Barry Bonds, that's how. I hate cheaters. I hate people who lie. And I detest when people do all those things in order to get ahead, make a lot of money or make a name for themselves. Hello Barry.

I grew up watching Mays, McCovey, and Marichal. I always wanted to be Orlando Cepeda when we played outside because the Baby Bull was my favorite. My first time freezing my ass off at Candlestick was with an uncle sitting on the third base side for a double header against the Cubs when I was in the fourth grade. We all just don't forget those things.

Nor would I ever forget the first hockey game I went to with my cousin Steve. I saw the zamboni for the first time. I saw men on ice skates doing things that most of us cannot do in tennis shoes on solid ground. I didn't know the rules, nor the plays or the nuances but I knew I really liked this game right away. It also helped that this was the Stanley Cup playoffs.

This is one of those times it pays to have an obsessive personality. I absorbed everything I could about hockey and the San Jose Sharks, names, numbers where the guys were from. I checked out Hockey for Dummies at the library. Got all the hockey videos and watched them on hot summer nights.

Tonight, the Sharks beat the Edmonton Oilers in Edmonton, 3-2. We have 5 games left and are ahead of Detroit by six points. We are ahead of Boston by three points. If we have the most points on April 11, we win the first part of the season. That means we will have home ice during the Stanley Cup.

All of Canada is watching this tourney, the US is watching, for the most part, the opening of baseball season. One of the many reasons I like hockey, as I said was because I consider hockey players to be much better athletes. OK, if I didn't say, that's what I meant. Know what else? they are really nice guys, at least the Sharks are. I go to practice sometimes and they autograph my jersey, have given me hockey sticks and just chit chatted with me. Can you imagine having a chat with Barry Bonds? I can't imagine wanting to chat with him. That's the difference for me, who would want to talk to him unless you are a sports writer? If I wanted to get abused, I could go get another crappy job.

My point, with dwindling resources, we all have to make decisions about where to spend our money. Sometimes in the past I had to choose between food and meds. I would not go to a Giants game unless someone handed me a free ticket and free food, drove me up there and paid for the parking. Obviously I am not a cheap date.

Ah, but for my bos in teal, I would ride my bike down to the Tank. I would still need a free ticket but I was offered one the other night. My friend Genevieve is struggling in this economy but the Sharks always take care of her because she helps out the guys with errands and cooking, things like that. How's that for helping the community.

Or even better, one of our local councilmembers had to cop to taking free tickets from one of the Sharks owners before voting on one of his projects coming to a council vote. Oh whoops! Big mistake.

Anyway, thanks Barry for steering me away from baseball and towards my local team. good luck Gigantes, maybe I'll come back some day. At least the new park is way better than Candlestick.

Trying again

2009-03-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

I guess I have to be unemployed to get back in to my blog on a regular basis. So here I am unemployed as of last Friday. Bad economic times but I would rather be able to hold my head up as my own person than get scolded every day for stupid, micromanaged things. Not to mention scolded in front of others every day. But my story about a bad fit at a job is only relevant because of the last two weeks when I was working at a drop in site, a needle exchange program.

But it was more than that, it was a place for people to come in off the streets, to have a refuge from the weather, to just be able to sit on a couch and not be hassled. I needed to interact with junkies in need of needles, homeless folks in need of food or or a friendly face and the police needed to keep order in the downtown and serve warrants while keeping the businesses and their customers happy.

When I first went down there, I did it to get away from the other offices. I really didn't like being watched all the time, being micromanaged. I also went down there with a judgement about the people who were coming in there. They were gonna be mostly stinky homeless men, in my mind anyway, who would be loud and bug me so I would hide out in my office and just do my work, Boy was I wrong.

One day when I was down there before I moved in, we had gotten food donations. One guy had cut a piece of cake and because the agency had not been spending any money on supplies down there at the drop in center, there were no plates, forks, napkins, nothing to be able to eat humanely with. So here was this guy cutting a piece of cake and having to eat it off his knife. We didn't give him a way to be able to eat like a person with manners and he was hungry. Our eyes met and I was so ashamed that this place where I worked didn't have enough respect for him to give him a plate and a napkin and a fork.

The next day I put all three items on the shopping list for Costco. When I got those packages I was questioned why I needed these items, were we having a party? No I wanted to treat our clientele with some dignity and respect. They deserved that. They were just hungry. I didn't think it was that complicated. Apparently it was complicated and I got scolded again because the director claimed to not know we were feeding people and she did not like that. Well too bad.
Maybe that's another reason why I don't have a job today.

There were regular programs at the drop in center. One afternoon a week there were women's hours. Not a whole lot of women came by but I was particularly affected by one woman. She was homeless, had a few mental issues could be really stubborn. She was also 73 years old. I kept thinking, why is she homeless at this age? She should be sitting down somewhere enjoying her last years, not wondering where she is going to sleep tonight?

I tried to give her my inhaler once because she was having asthma, nope she didn't want it. I tried other things, no, I don't want that. But finally, she started trusting me. She would come to the back door and ask to come in to sit on the couch. I always let her in and she would visit with me a little. Aske me goofy questions sometimes like why are there wires across the street? I would share my sandwich with her and I gave her $3 once so she could get some coffee. She went out and walked a couple of miles to McDonald's so she could sit down, have some coffee and a hamburger and still have a ham sandwich left over.

In remembering those couple of weeks, I am sad that I had judged thes people because of their conditions. I saw their suffering up close. I'm just so sorry I didn't get to stay longer with them. But at least I learned their names and got to treat them as humans who were suffering and ease that suffering for just a minute or two. I hope Barack helps them more. If he does help, all our boats will rise together.

Maybe Phyllis will get to spend her last years with her luggage unpacked and a place to call home. All our boats will be together, happy and calm, with names, food, plates and forks, jobs and no scolding.

Martin Lyon Leadership Institute

2009-02-06T21:13:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the launch of the new project I am working on, the Martin Lyon Leadership Institute (MLLI). This came to me after the disaster known as the Prop 8 election when I saw how little our community knew about campaigns. We were reduced to nameless, faceless amoeba with no stories, no families and no way to tell anyone about ourselves. Since I have had more than a little experience with campaigns and considering the shitty way myself and a lot of others were treated by the campaign, I decided to do something about it.

So MLLI was born. It has been painful so far. Many people have expressed support and think it is a great idea. Once a month I will be having speakers come talk about the history of the movement. Tomorrow Jo and I are going to pick up Phyllis Lyon and bring her to San Jose so she can chat for a group of people. I am going to ask questions and people in the audience can ask questions too.

Next week I am doing two workshops, one in Santa Cruz and one in San Jose on how to lobby. this will be just in time for Marriage Equality Day in Sacramento. We will be putting new skills to use right away. Then I will see where this leads. Community driven, hopefully community supported. We'll see.

Gary

2008-10-31T11:18:00.000-07:00

Today is Halloween which means it is my birthday. It is also Gary McMillin's birthday. Gary and I were born on the same day and the same year. But Gary died years ago in the horrible years of AIDS. So now on our birthdays, I still buy him a gross birthday card and put it on my altar in front of the picture of him and his partner Chet. I am sitting at my desk with his bottle of ashes, well not all his ashes but a little bit of him is here.

I cried tears of loss and sadness, with the hole in my heart never to be healed. But I promised him before he died that I would be his witness. Gary McMillin lived, loved and was loved. I miss him more today than ever. It is a love that will have forever.

No on Prop 8

2008-10-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

I wrote this for the local Dem Latino newsletter.

Familia, family. It is the core of our culture as Latinos. We always have our core of the family, whether it is our grandparents, a favorite aunt or uncle, our many cousins who we have all grown up with and love dearly.

But some of those family members live a little differently. We have a partner of the same gender, so uncle Jorge is always with uncle Dylan. And aunt Maria is always with Aunt Teresa, how come?

There are Latinos who are gay and lesbian, bisexual and transgender.

And their rights to be with and marry the person they love is going to be voted on by the people of California.

As much as any people, we Latinos know discrimination. We have relatives who could not marry in some states because they were different from each other. Some of our parents went to a school with only Mexican kids and couldn’t go into some restaurants, swimming pools, and hotels because we are brown. We carry the scars of discrimination and seek justice for the hurts of our grandparents, great grandparents, all who came before us.

Proposition 8 will make California the first state to change its constitution to single out a groups of people to take away their rights. Prop 8 will not make churches lose their non-profit status, will not force sex education on small children and will not force churches to marry people if they do not believe in marriage for same sex couple.

Proposition 8 will take away the legal rights and coverage for same sex couples. It will instill prejudice against your favorite tios and tias in the state constitution. It will treat some people differently under the law. Many of our elders were placed behind a tortilla curtain and treated differently, less than equal.

This is our chance to show the Latino community understands and does not support for this bill. We want all of our families together. We want all of us to be able to be with the person they love. We want equality for all.

Vote NO on Prop 8.

Hope

2008-10-07T23:05:00.000-07:00

Here is a sign that there is hope for the future. My sister's sister-in-law live in North Carolina. Their yard sign was stolen. So this is what the kids did. Took some action, whoohoo. Mary and Vivek you are doing a splendid job, keep up the parenting job and these two will change the world. They already have.

Del's memorial

2008-10-05T21:35:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday was Del Martin's memorial service in San Francisco. What an amazing event. I wish it wasn't because she has left us but it truly honored both Del and Phyllis.

City Hall in San Francisco looks like the state capitol, a large dome, marble everywhere and gilded balconies. The memorial was held in the rotunda and was filled to capacity both on the main floor and every single balcony. The program was just the right amount of sorrow mixed with reverence, stories of Del's decades-long commitment to social justice and the testimony to her love of Phyllis, and the doors she pushed open for so many of us.

I have been laboring with this post for days now. How do I express my joy of having known Del Martin? How do I adequately tell what it was like to sit in their living room and hear stories, discuss the latest political gossip or just to be able to share a laugh. I don't know that I will find the words, ever. But one thing I know for sure, my life is infinitely better because I knew Del Martin.

Remembering Del

2008-09-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

This week, Oct 1, will be Del Martin's memorial service. It will take place in the rotunda at San Francisco City Hall, a grand and glorious building and surely a place to honor and celebrate a woman of stature.

But I will step back a bit to the first night I met Phyllis and Del. I was in the process of moving back to California from New Mexico with my dear friend Kathleen Look. We were headed for California so I could start my new job as the Executive Director of Lyon-Martin Women's Health Services. As we were driving through Arizona, I got a call from my future boss that there would be a huge benefit for Lyon-Martin, featuring three stars of the "L Word". Whoa, I was going to get to meet some Hollywood typesmy first day back!

But what was even more important, I was going to get to meet Phyllis and Del. I literally sat at their feet, asking to come visit them at home so I could get to know them better. Phyllis, as usual said "Sure dear, call and you can come over." From that moment on my life was never the same. I had long conversations about them, the history of the movement, the interactions between them and Harvey Milk, their personal histories, interactions with local politicos and even more fun, talking politics.

I loved hearing Phyllis's laugh as she described the long haired Jewish guy from New York who had found his paradise in San Francisco. Phyllis and Del were still wearing skirts and blouses while Harvey never seemed to find a barber. Diametrically opposed in many political ways of the City, Harvey liked to stop traffic with his lines of men holding his signs. Phyllis and Del were a bit quieter, they had just bought their house together which was quite the sin for two lesbian lovers of the day to be so blatant.

Anyway, I had just driven in to California, dropped off my stuff at my mom's house in Santa Clara and kept right on going up to the City. Good lord if we could have bottled all the estrogen in the hall that night, I would never forget another word ever again. I got to meet cast members and sheesh was it packed. Phyllis and Del were there, and I presumed them to be holding court. This was such a bad presumption, I was way off the mark. As I said before, Phyllis was very welcoming. Del,while just as welcoming, was on the quieter side.

I would take them to events every once in a while. Howard Dean was in the City once, using the lgbt community as an ATM. I brought Phyllis and Del. This was just after their first wedding so a lot of people came to say hello and offer congratulations. When the talking started, of course everyone tried to say something to Dean. After a while I had to inject myself and say "Will you people let Phyllis and Del say something?" Boobs, everyone has a good idea but I would rather hear from people who have a good idea with actions to back them up.

Del talked about the need to follow the actions of many who have gone before us. They were both great fans of Eleanor Roosevelt so she talked about Madam Eleanor and the conferences she convened for women and why couldn't the DNC do something like that?

At the end of the evening I walked them to the car. This was four years ago and Del was already showing a lot of frailty. I offered my arm but she only want Phyllis to help her. Phyllis said, "But Del, Gloria is a lot stronger than me." (Moi!?) But, no, she only wanted Phyllis. What a moment to be able to witness. Pure, sweet love and trust.

Their wedding was such a joy, packed, but a real joy. I feel so blessed to have been there. At one point I was standing next to singer Margie Adam who will be singing today at the service. She said "Listen to the beauty of this, all these women's voices." It was a wonderful contrast to all the hate mongers outside.

Phyllis told me later that while they were waiting for the ceremony in Gavin's office, Del was like a little kid. "Is it time yet, is it time yet?" Can you imagine being on the verge of making history, reaching a goal?

So despite all the kerfuffle about who was married first, a couple of 55 years, women in their 80's were the first to cross the line, leading as always. To hear the homophobes I wonder what damage Phyllis and Del have done to marriages all around the country. These two, so in love for all these years, have caused the downfall of western civilization. Wow, they are powerful.

Today we go to say goodbye, to honor a life well lived. When I first went to their house, I started crying. It is as true today as it was that day in May - I owe them for my life. I can be who I am, out and proud because Del Martin and Phyllis Martin were not afraid to be who they were in the 1950's. And they never looked back.

Thank you, my sister, for being such a warrior. I promise to always remember you and tell everyone I ever meet that Del Martin was my sister.

Back on the horse

2008-09-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since I took a break from blogging I was trying to figure out how to catch up. So I am going to just post stuff about all these adventures, news, events, and everything from the last few months and try to go in depth on some of these things like I got married on August 30, one of my sheroes, Del Martin, died, what is going on with Proposition 8 here in California which is the campaign I am working on and what ever else enters my little brain while at the key board.

But tonight I had to share the story about Prop 8. I am working/volunteering all day every day on Prop 8. I am at the DeFrank Center in San Jose, giving out yard signs, sending out email blasts, organizing phone banks, all the stuff involved in a campaign except walking door-to-door.

The opposition, led by the Mormon church, was supposed to do this big roll out yesterday putting a million yard signs up all over the state. So yesterday I looked across the street at our neighbor's house because they are Mormons and I know the man of the house has been going to the local meetings. No sign. I was so relieved because I really like the woman of the house and adore their twin girls.

I started asking around and it turns out that God wants us to win. The Mormons ordered from someone who had the signs made in China. So the signs are still stuck in China. Heeheee. I made sure Ms Marinucci knew about it so I am hoping for some bigger coverage in the Chronicle and to embarrass their asses for buying Chinese. That will help their support a lot. The latest polling showed us up by a lot, like 17 points. I hope to be dancing on their yard signs come November 5. Theirs and John McCain's yard signs.

Slip 'n' slide

2008-07-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

The world has certainly changed here in California. I have had two experiences with family members which have shown what a difference a court decision makes.

A few weeks ago, we were hanging out at my cousin's house. We had asked him to be in our wedding right after the court decision came down. We had also asked for his daughter to be a flower girl.

So we were chit chatting about nothing in particular and then he confessed to us - he was having a hard time with us getting married. The word was where he got stuck. But he told us that he had spent a lot of time thinking about this. He totally loves us, honors and respects the relationship. So he really was stuck until he realized that he had never had to deal with the discrimination we deal with all the time. He had never been told no, your relationship isn't valuable or respected. He had to get to our side of the bridge, "Walk a mile in our shoes" as he explained to have the light bubl go on and see that we weren't different. In fact our lives were much harder because of the prejudice we faced.

He also felt he needed to put all his cards on the table and tell us how he felt. So he was now very relieved, to be able to be joyously part of the wedding. Bring on the Hawaiian shirts, he was ready for the festivities!

Yesterday, I got to hang out with my cousin's two kids. I had asked for a kid loaner to spend time with kids on a summer day. Jo had bought a slip 'n' slide a few weeks ago so that we would have it for our wedding day for the kids to play on. My dad would never let us have one cus it would ruin the grass. Well $12 later, we are the proud owners of one.

Anyway, while we were out front trying to set up that thing, the kids starting asking questions:

"Who proposed?"
"How is the aisle going to be set up?"
"Is it a priest marrying you?"
"If it's not a priest, who is it?"
"What will she say at the end, are you bride and bride?"
"OH, partners for life, I like that."

By the end of the day, they had slid many times on the lawn, had hot dogs, 50/50 ice cream for the first time and had a new aquarium, a fish for each of them, and as Hazel said, one of the best days of her life.

Me too. The world has changed. It will never be the same.

A new day

2008-06-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

I am having an emotional hangover today. So much happiness, so many tears, so much history and just pure joy.

It seems to me though that what happened here in California was that the dam broke. We have been treated badly by our national government for the last eight years. Our needs have not been met, people have become more poor, struggled more, became sicker and hopeless. Now whether it is because we now have had a spirited debate in the Democratic party talking about change and hope or whether love won out this week I don't have the answer. Either way, the humanity of our state that has repressed and mocked for eight years burst through like a magnificent sunrise filled with love, hope and the promise of not just a new day but a new life.

Ministers in Kern county where the county clerk refused to marry people met people in front of the county building to marry members of our community denied their rights by those who want to live in darkness and judgment. Santa Cruz county workers watched the live streaming of the weddings and cried at their desks with joy. One of the Santa Cruz city council members, the lovely Emily Reilly, broke down in tears as she was officiating a marriage at city hall. A staff member of gay Assemblyman John Laird told me how overwhelmed he was with wave after wave of couples. It is one thing to go to a wedding, it was another, he said to see so many couples and to see so much hope for everyone. He was just overwhelmed.

Me, too. I am overwhelmed with hope in our humanity. I feel that relief like when ya stopping hitting your head with a hammer. I feel joy with every breath and liberation in every moment. When Bush and his thugs leave, it won't just be the joke of the Bush countdown clock. It will be a return to our humanity.

A letter to my teacher

2008-06-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Obi Wan-

When we were last hanging out together, you had the great news that marriage had been legalized here. Now it has become real.

Yesterday Jo and I went to Del and Phyllis' wedding at City Hall. Today we got our license. I have been crying non-stop with a break for a nap today. This has been so emotional, I cannot believe it. We went to Santa Cruz today to get our license and the diversity of our community and the sheer joy of this day blended together to create a true moment in time.

We had some friends who were married by two lesbian zen teachers. There were children and nieces and nephews, parents and siblings all joined by the miracle this day brought. One friend of ours said that there was a sense of home in Santa Cruz we had all come home to get married. WE have all been crying, joyous in our relationships and the liberation of this day, this moment in time.

The stories are many. The marriages were being streamed all day at Santa Cruz county into the county building. We heard that the employees were watching the streaming all day and just crying non-stop with us. An acquaintance said it was just overwhelming to see wave after wave after wave of people come in to get married. It is one thing to go to a wedding, it was altogether different to see so many people finally reaching our goal, to be free and equal citizens of California.

All the newspapers are covering this and the homophobes have no message but hate and fear. And old roommate said she felt sorry for those people because their god must be so small. Amen sister.

Today the tears are joy. I will not forget Del and Phyllis, a couple of 80 year old women who were the first and certainly not the last to be married History is made in small steps and lots of tears.

I am so blessed to I have seen this moment in our history.

And this is us getting our marriage license, issued by the state of California, county of Santa Cruz and not one marriage ended today because of this.

snippets

2008-06-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

I am sure I will remember other pieces of today's moment in time. Meanwhile I will just share a couple of snippets:

As we were walking up, we followed behind Jewelle Gomez. Encountering some of the more vocal homophobes, she never broke stride and just said "Fuck you" as they tried to get in her face. I, of course, howled.

There was a shit load of media there. When the elevator door opened, I just said "Holy shit!" seeing the sheer numbers. All this for a couple of 80 something women.

What an honor to see such a moment in time. Not a person in the room didn't realize the history being made not to mention the love in the room. Phyllis keeps telling me I don't have to cry but it is so nice to win a battle and share the love at the same time.

Due to my continued feet problems I worse sensible lesbian tennis shoes today. One of my friends made a crack about those shoes after seeing me on TV. Fashion simply has to be pushed to the side sometimes.

Del and Phyllis wore the same outfits as when they were married last time. As I said, fashion must be pushed to the side sometimes. Especially when the priority is sentiment.

the first marriage

2008-06-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

Here are some of my pics from inside Del and Phyllis' wedding.

This is what equality feels like

2008-06-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I wake up as an (almost) fully equal citizen of California.

Today at San Jose Pride, the excitement was so palpable. There were many more people interested in our Stonewall booth, asking how to get involved, where can they sign up, give me that Obama sticker and we are getting married on Tuesday. You have no idea what it was like to look in the faces of our sisters and brothers and feel the pure joy, unleashed into the world and our community. We have arrived at the wedding chapel door and are about to be let in.

At one point I was talking with a group of women about my age. We have known little bars in shady parts of town, the only places where we could dance together, use the right pronouns and put our arm around a woman without fear. We had to hide who we were from our families, our co-workers the world. Everyone except our softball team, of course.

But tomorrow is different. Del and Phyllis will make it real. They will get married in San Francisco City Hall, in the Mayor's office, in the daylight with joy and tears (that's my part) starting a new chapter of our history. It is a new day for all of us. I can hardly wait.

Monday bliss

2008-06-11T14:54:00.000-07:00

We have been invited to Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon's wedding on Monday. Gavin will be doing the honors in City Hall. They will be the only couple allowed to be married on Monday in City Hall.

I get so overwhelmed with them, I just cry and cry. I called and talked to Phyllis the other day and she said we were invited. Then I just started crying, I am so happy for them. I never thought we would see it happen for them. But both of them told me and they are saying it in the paper that it is not about them but all of us.

Oh no, my godmothers, this is for you. There is not one door I have gone through that you haven't opened in some way. Thank you so much for your strength, vision, and bravery for all of us.

It's all Obama now

2008-06-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

So now that Senator Clinton has gracefully bowed out of the Presidential campaign, we can look forward to the general election in November. I am so afraid, though, that we will see how racist this country really is. At least certain generations continue to hold on to that racism that has kept them on top of the heap.

I went to a party today and had a short discussion with some people there. One of the comments was that people will not vote for a black man. I cannot tell you how sad I am that we, as a nation, have not evolved past this statement being allowed to be expressed. I said that the country could not survive a McCain presidency which they of course found absurd. We had survived Bush after all. But McCain, after 8 years of Bush will be the tipping point. And many of us will not survive a government that doesn't believe in helping its citizens. They will give up hope and wither away in the richest country in the world.

So while many of us will no doubt survive, we as a country that prides its self on its freedoms, on its alleged fair playing field, on the opportunities available to all will not elect a man because he is black. And people will do this in the privacy of the voting booth while all the time proclaiming their lack of prejudice. In fact I would be they would say that they have black friends and gay friends and Latino friends hence they could not be prejudiced. Oh I wish I had a dollar for every time I have heard that!

So while the lgbt community struggles away trying to get our equal marriage rights in order some of my own community will, I am sure not vote for a black man. And then we wonder why nothing changes and why people are prejudice?
Evolution is slow and scary and requires many people to give up their prejudices, all of them. Know what is else is even scarier? Having compassion for the pain that those who will vote for McCain because he is white.

We have a date for the nuptials to start

2008-05-28T14:57:00.000-07:00

The sound you may be hearing from California is shouts of glee and jubilation, we can start getting married June 17. Or it may be the panties of the fundies getting suck up into a bunch.

State: Gay marriage will begin on June 17 in California

By LISA LEFF - Associated Press Writer
Published 2:04 pm PDT Wednesday, May 28, 2008

California counties can issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples beginning June 17, the state said in a directive to court clerks issued Wednesday.

The state Office of Vital Records said it chose June 17 because the state Supreme Court has until the close of business on June 16 to decide whether to grant a stay of its ruling legalizing gay marriage.

Gay rights advocates and some clerks initially thought couples would be able to wed as early as Saturday, June 14 - exactly 30 days after the court's May 15 ruling. Supreme Court rulings typically become final after 30 days.

But a group opposed to gay marriage has asked the court to stay its decision until after the November election, when voters are likely to face a ballot initiative that would amend the state constitution to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Passage of the initiative would overrule the Supreme Court.

Under the court's regular rules of procedure, justices have until the end of the day on June 16 to rule on the stay request, according to the memo sent by e-mail to the state's 58 county clerks. Lawyers involved in the marriage case have said the court could grant itself an extra 60 days to consider the stay.

The guidelines from Mark Horton, director of the California Department of Public Health, also contain copies of new marriage forms that have lines for "Party A" and "Party B" where bride and groom used to be. The gender-neutral nomenclature was developed in consultation with county clerks, according to the memo.

"Effective June 17, 2008, only the enclosed new forms may be issued for the issuance of marriage licenses in California," the directive reads.

The amended forms also contain a change to accommodate same-sex couples who already have registered as domestic partners, a category created in 2003 that bestowed the legal rights and benefits of marriage to gay men and lesbians without the title.

The previous marriage license applications stated that people in domestic partnerships were barred from getting married, a prohibition based on the fact that same-sex couples could not legally wed. The new forms say domestic partners don't have to dissolve their partnerships if they are marrying the same person.

The guidelines were sent out on the same day a poll was published showing that more California voters now support allowing same-sex marriage than oppose it.

The results marked the first time in over three decades of Field Poll surveys that a majority of voters approved of extending marriage to gay couples than have disapproved, said Field Poll director Mark DiCamillo.

"I would say this is a historic turning point or milestone," DiCamillo said.

The poll found that 51 percent of respondents backed legalizing same-sex marriage and 42 percent opposed it, DiCamillo said.

In 2006, when participants were asked, "Do you approve or disapprove of California allowing homosexuals to marry members of their own sex?" 44 percent said they approved and 50 percent objected. In 1977, the first year Field Poll posted the question to voters, 28 percent approved and 59 percent were opposed.

Field Poll surveyed 1,052 registered voters over the phone from May 17-26, in the days after the Supreme Court handed down its historic ruling. A smaller percentage of respondants- 48 percent - said they agreed with the court's decision and 46 percent disagreed.

DiCamillo said the jump in support for same-sex marriage indicates that voters were "influenced in some way by the judgment of the high court."

Voters were similarly divided on the subject of the proposed ballot initiative to put a gay marriage ban in the state constitution. Field Poll asked respondents about it two ways: once referencing the specific measure a group is seeking to get on the November ballot and once talking about a marriage amendment more generally.

Fifty-four percent opposed the amendment when presented with the issue generally, a figure that dropped to 51 percent when respondents were told they might have the chance to vote on a specific measure in November. Support for the amendment stood at 40 percent and 43 percent, respectively.

The Field Poll's findings conflict with a Los Angeles Times/KTLA poll of 705 voters released last week that found 54 percent backed the proposed gay marriage ban and 35 percent opposed it. The Field Poll survey had a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 4 percentage points on the general amendment question, and plus or minus 5 percentage points on the more specific question.

Andrew Pugno, legal adviser for the coalition of religious and social conservative groups sponsoring the measure, said the Times poll is more consistent with his group's internal polling.

"We could acknowledge there has been increasing acceptance of the idea of gay relationships over the last 10 or 20 years, but we think when it comes to marriage there is still a solid majority who want to see it reserved for a man and a woman," Pugno said.

An answer somewhere

2008-05-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

I just spent a week in Santa Fe, New Mexico. It wasn't a pleasant week but it wasn't really bad, either. there are a number of people there who I really love, Julie Endresen is at the top of that list. She took care me, to the point of sending me to her therapist because I couldn't stop crying while I was there.

I finally figured it out, why all the tears. I had been suffering there. The altitude, the weather, the sadness so prevalent in New Mexico washed over me and I drowned in all of it. I lived for ten years and made some major contributions to the welfare of the state. Transgender people are completely protected by law now even though I had to fight through the prejudices of the many gay and lesbian people. We were both ostracized and treated as outcasts for sticking to our principles and making sure everyone in our communities arrived together at the finish line.

The suffering I was feeling was for the life I had lost. The "community" which was really an illusion in the high desert, the friendships, the sense of home all evaporated in a very short time. I tried to see an old friend and the conversation turned ugly right away. I decided to skip any attempt at reunion.

When I told my Buddhist teacher about the exchange he said, "Oh she is suffering." At that moment my vision of the world opened up. People are cruel because they are suffering. People say mean things because they are suffering. Friends stop being friends because they suffer.

This is the essence of Buddhism, to end suffering for all sentient beings. But I must start with myself.

How do I end my suffering of ending my portion of my life in New Mexico? How do I end the suffering caused by my physical pain in my feet? How do I end my suffering? I don't have an answer yet but I hope to find a clue soon.

Here come the brides

2008-05-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

Things are falling into place! We have almost all the people who will be our witnesses agree to be there for us. Got the flower girls and ring bearer. We are going tomorrow to the county to get a wedding appointment, hopefully, June 20th. A reception will be held the next day at the Municipal Rose Garden, hopefully. Actually it will be a good ol' fashion lesbian potluck. I have asked our supervisor to wed us. Then we can prove to all the bigots who don't even know us that we have not ruined their lives nor their marriages.

But of course the rat bastards have asked for a stay until their constitutional amendment goes up to a vote. See the Chronicle article here. The Alliance Defense Fund must have their panties in a collective knot. Gas is $4 a gallon here, more soldiers die in Iraq every day, this administration has broken everything possible not just in this country but around the world and they are worried about us making the four dogs and two cats legitimate children. OH wait, that goes to their wild eyed tales of beastiality and polygamy. I couldn't help but notice that the real polygamists live in Texas and Arizona. Maybe they will see an opening and settle here in California. The polygamists certainly do not threaten my relationship so do they bother the Alliance Defense Fund?

Heehee, we're gonna be June brides! Bring on the lemon poppy seed cake!

Mary Tillman

2008-05-21T22:49:00.000-07:00

I finally got to meet Mary Tillman tonight. I have been reading her book about her son Pat Tillman. It is called "Boots on the Ground by Dusk-My Tribute to pat Tillman" When I was flying home from New Mexico on Monday I was reading it and doing my best not to sob out loud.

I have written about this story before. I still find it disgusting the way the military has treated her and her family. I find the story vile and the behavior of those in charge of our soldiers to nothing less than traitorous and corrupt.

To recap briefly, Pat Tillman was a star football player here in San Jose. He then became a star football player at Arizon State, drafted by the Arizona Cardinals. After 9/11, he and his younger brother Kevin enlisted in the Army and were stationed in Afghanistan where they believed the real war should be fought in response to the events of 9/11. Pat Tillman was shot and killed in Afghanistan. The initial stroy to the family was that he died a hero's death, making up some frigging story about charging up a hill to save his comrades in arms.

Turns out this was another lie told to all of us by the Bush administration. But first they told the Tillman family this fantasy. Several weeks later the rat bastards finally confessed what was known by many in the military, while Pat Tillman died a hero, he was shot by his own men. American troops shot him multiple times.

During the question and answer period tonight, I asked mary Tillman if they had ever determined the distance between the other Americans and Pat. She replied that they have finally figured out that they were about 35 meters apart. So let's see, about the length of a football field. These highly trained soldiers could not make out one of their own.

There are so many horrible facts surrounding this story, it is really important for us as Americans to never let people like this ever rule this country again. Pat Tillman, his family deserved so much better than what they got. A silver star doesn't bring him back. The lies don't bring him back. But voting these disgraceful people out will honor Pat Tillman. We all deserve that.

I am equal

2008-05-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

The impossible has happened. And, as usual, I missed it.

I am in Santa Fe, New Mexico right now and today in California, where I live and where I grew up, the state Supreme court declared that not allowing same sex couples to wed makes us second class citizens.WOW!, this is impossible. I saw Kate Kendall from the National Center for Lesbian Rights pronounce that this is a new day. Amen, sister.

Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin can get married in their lifetimes. Damn near impossible they had told me. Apparently not, my godmothers, apparently not. You had better be the first ones to get married in SF.

Jo went tot he gathering in San Jose tonight and said she was very verklempt. It is emotional for me to think that we could get married in California, go to the Rose Garden and have a picnic with all our friends and family there. I am equal today even if I am in New Mexico. I a an equal human being, a full citizen of the United States with the right to marry my partner. Time to go cry with joy.

SHARKS!!!!!!

2008-05-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

In years past, I have always looked forward to October. My birthday is that month, the baseball playoffs and World Series are played then so there is loads of sports on the toob. But the Bay area baseball and football teams have become so awful I gave up on them. Now October is the start of the long hockey season. And now is the Stanley Cup. My Sharks are killing me. They are playing total Sybil hockey, tired and listless for the first part of the game and then they come alive suddenly. They have two personalities. We are now in the second round playing against Dallas. We lost the first three games and are still on the verge of elimination. Lose one more game and we are done. But the last two games we have won in total heart stopping fashion. I almost can't stand it. People on the Sharks blog are reaching for heart medication. I will confess, I gave up, walked off in the middle of the second period, behind 2-0. But my cousin Steve always reminds me that anything can happen in the third period. Tonight we scored two in the second period to tie the game. My friend Winnie Lee texted me from LA to scream about the game and I wasn't even watching. BAD FAN!!! We win it in overtime, 80 seconds into OT. I can't stand it. So now we go back to Dallas for a game on Sunday. If we win, we come back here for the 7th game. I can't stand it. I am sure there is a political analogy in there somewhere but I don't care, we won! This is a picture with Jeremy Roenick, the old man of the Sharks. I love JR, he brings passion to the game always give every bit of effort for the team. I was a bit of Sharks groupie during this layoff and would go to their practices once in a while. I would come home with sticks, autographs and pictures like this. WE won, my foot is feeling a bit better, it is sunny in California, I am going to Santa Fe in about 10 days and get to see my best friend, have my feet worked on, eat green chile and watch the Sharks in a sports bar. Life is grand.

GO SHARKS!!!

Not again!!!!!

2008-04-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

The Sharks are breaking my heart again. How a team can go from second best in the league to out in the second round again is beyond me. I feel like I am hooked in a horrible bad date sequence again. Luckily, it is just a game and my bad dates ended 20 years ago.

So then I am thinking, what do I with myself now? As if I can't garden, read, chill, work on a campaign, hang out with my mom, catch up with friends, visit with my neighbors, write, do a web page, watch tv, sit outside, make cards, make a movie, learn imovie, go give a talk at my old high school on the lgbt movement, and whatever else I can do when a person is not hockey saturated.

Oh wait, I get to go to Santa Fe in a couple of weeks and purge the ghosts of legislative sessions past. What an opportunity to see good friends so that my memories are of the people I like and not those who chased us out of town. But the laws we got passed are still on the books and the state of New Mexico is better because we were there and we contributed to our communities.

media whore

2008-04-27T13:37:00.000-07:00

The funniest thing, I get my cast off and my brain starts working again. Somewhat anyway. Today I am the SF Chronicle talking about that waste of human plasma, Rush Limbaugh. I am so thoughtful, here's my opening remark.

"I hate him."

Yup, I'm a regular rocket scientist.

Anyway, I guess I am paying a little attention to the more than the Stanley Cup playoffs. Not much more but some. But now I must spend time reading the NY Times before running of to...the Stanley Cup playoffs. We need a win tonight. And for Rush Limpbaugh to shut the hell up.

Something new

2008-04-11T13:05:00.001-07:00

My new pink cast with glitters. It is my inner Brittany with underwear on.

A sign

2008-04-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

My birthday is on Halloween. I have always had some ability to connect with the other side, you know talk to dead people. During the horrible days of the AIDS pandemic when I was sitting at the bed sides of dying friends, I knew they would be part of my army of angels to help me and guide me.

So with this current physical problem I am really struggling. I can cry easily, I am in pain, I am powerless, I am uncomfortable, restless, yada yada.

This afternoon, I was laying in bed crying. Just frustrated all to hell with my state. Then I looked at my great grandmother's picture in front of me and decided I had to do something, anything. So I got dressed. And in the process of getting dressed, I sat in front of my altar and spoke to my angels and reminded them "I was there for all of you when you were dying. I need your help. Do something to help me."

The phone rang. It was my cousin's five year old, Riley. She was so sweet, "Glo, I'm so sorry you are in a cast. But can I come over and see you? Can we bring you lunch?"

I love the answers when I ask for help, I never know which way it will come. But this one came through a precious 5 year old and am I ever glad.

This is Riley and Ruby having an afternoon love fest.

post surgery

2008-04-04T19:55:00.000-07:00

Well I made it out of surgery yesterday. I was terrified going in to this because, you know, that going unconscious thing. I was crying all day yesterday post surgery due to the drugs. That vulnerability from the drugs just is so unexpected.

To add to that, the post-op nurse was nice but said something so ridiculous we had to laugh. Of course my sister was there to add to the laugh lines.

I have a cast on my foot, pictured here. The nurse came by to offered some words of warning: If your feet start to black or blue, come back to the hospital. Your cast could be too tight and it will make your toes fall off.

My sister then chimes in : well we'll have to go to Wendy's then.

Me: For some chili with toes.

Now that I have slept a lot, I feel almost human again. And the prize tonight for being almost human, watching Olberman with guest goddess, Rachel Maddow, subbing for Keith O.

California convention pics

2008-04-01T23:54:00.000-07:00

On the left here (as it should be) a poster at one of the booths honoring the father of the farmworker labor movement. My beloved esposa just told me a story last night about doing a long walk with the UFW and Cesar. I didn't think I could love her anymore but, lo and behold, there was another corner of my heart filled with Jo love.

From my first Obama rally, the signs, the people, the hope.

And what is a convention without famous politicians? Boring! So here we have the fabulous Kamala Harris the City attorney for San Francisco. Go on girl, tell me about our man Obama.

Cesar always advocated for equality for all. He understood social justice didn't mean equality for farmworkers but the gay, lesbian, Latino, transgendered , poor person who had lost hope, lost their family and lost hope they would find someone to share their life with.

But with Barack Obama as president, all of this is possible and more. The nightmare is almost over.

Si se puede, yes we can.
And we will!

Democratic convention Calif style

2008-03-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

I spent the majority of the weekend at the California Democratic convention. Here are just a few snapshots of what I saw and heard there.

The LGBT caucus was very well attended. Cecilia Chung of San Francisco did a great job of organizing and giving candidates a chance to speak for a nanosecond to the crowd. I didn't go in since I was working at the front desk to get everyone paid up and into the room. And I had a chair which will always be a priority. Nice to see lots of folks from around the state and the crowd was evenly divided between Obama and Hillay. What a surprise.
The big race between Mark Leno and Carole Migden for state Senate got very wild this weekend. Well actually I believe that Migden proved that she has gone nuts. At the women's caucus on Friday night she just went crazy. She was screaming, insulting the Obama staff, saying very ugly things about them. Like calling them ugly and fat! People who were there were so shocked and it became the talk of the convention. When she entered the LGBT caucus, it w as staged to look like the queen of all was entering the room. People were in front and in back of her, carrying Migden signs on sticks so she looked like she had an entourage. I thought it was kind of gross myself.
I went to my first Obama rally. Great fun and great energy. My friend from New Mexico, Raul Alvillar, is Obama's western field director. He was the MC of the rally and introduced Steve Westly, a former gubernatorial candidate. He also had on hand the new speaker of the house, Karen Bass, SF city attorney Kamala Harris. What a hottie she is! Anyway, it was wonderful to b on board with all of this.
I am now officially looped in as the national Latino LGBT co-chair with Andres Duque. That will be rolled out this week. then they are hooking me up with the Latino outreach group too. I will be on the national conference calls from here on out. Yeah baby! I am so excited and hopeful. But even more important, I get to work on this campaign to change this country. The end of the nightmare is coming soon.
Why are the Larouche people always at Democratic events? They are nuts but they sing well. I got sucked in to the their booth because they had, what I thought, was an interesting name, something Roosevelt club. So I wandered up and some guy was on a rant, just talking to hear himself. He was saying he is against abortion so I said, "Well don't have one" and walked away from those two.
I really get people overload at these things. Especially at an event like this where everyone thinks they are very important. So no one looks where they are going, have no grasp of the fact they are blocking entire throughways, I don;t care who they are talking to on the phone despite how loud they talk and when I say excuse me, I really mean get the fuck out of my way.
I skipped seeing Bill Clinton today. One of Jo's colleagues came over this afternoon after the speech and said he fell asleep during Clinton's speech. I gave my pass to my neighbor so he could take pics and see the big ma up close. He was thrilled and I was happy open the door for him.

That's it for now. When I remember more I will post more. Pictures will be up tomorrow.

Every week

2008-03-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

Every week the Blade comes out there is a new disclosure about the DNC, and the deteriorating relationships within. When you read this and please do, remember that Donna Brazile is a lesbian. Claire Lucas has gobs of money because her grandfather or someone in her family invented the overhead projector. But she was fired for slapping someone, I think I hear the Dynasty theme playing in the background. Oh whoops, there go Krystal and Alexis flying by on their way to a slap fight in the swimming pool. And let us never forget that Dr Dean did lie to the lgbt caucus and now can't remember while his current flunkies make up some inane training that say is for people of color but are really for black folks. There is a difference folks!

And in this week's BAR, there is an article about the very genteel Carole Migden getting slapped with a $9 million suit for breaking so many election laws. But my favorite was the blog at the Chron describing the Senator in every way possible as nothing short of devil spawn. The responses targeted her hair her attitude, her New Yorkness. It wasn't pretty but I sure did laugh my ass off. I can hardly wait to see her tomorrow at the California Democratic Convention. I will be blogging here from home after my time down the street at the convention.

If I was a real Democrat, I would ride my bike.

Gone

2008-03-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

Sister dove left this morning. No more pain and suffering. WE will bury her in the back under the St.Francis statue.

Taking in a survivor

2008-03-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

I have a guest here. I found her in the grasp of my yorkie this afternoon in the backyard. It is a morning dove.

She has lost an eye. I thought she was dead when I got her away from Gus. But then I started petting her head and she turned her one good to me, just a little. Then she blinked. I kept talking to her and petting her, trying to figure out what to do.

After calling around to rescue places which had either closed or were not willing to take in a bird from San Jose, Jo had looked up some stuff online so I followed the directions. Put some water and sunflower seeds in the cage she was resting in, heated up the thingie in the freezer to get some heat in there and then turned off the lights in the garage.

I have checked on her a couple of times and she has gone from laying sideways in the cage to sitting as if she was nesting. She continues to let me pet her and responds (oh sure) to when I talk to her. She turns her eye to me and blinks when I visit.

Tomorrow morning I hope to give her a new lease and take her to the rescue center. Happy Easter my sister dove.

The speech

2008-03-20T21:50:00.000-07:00

I know there has been a chingon of response to Obama's speech. But I haven't had time to watch it. That is because, as I have said over and over here, I am unemployed with no job in sight. The economy is crashing, I am a lesbian of color who is now on disability and I am struggling because life can really suck in the richest country in the world.

And as a woman of color, I have lived a lot of what my candidate is talking about. It is no surprise to me that white folks are shocked at the experiences of people of color. How many times have we heard the question, "Why are you so angry?" Because, folks, this American system of ours is racist, mysogynistic, homophobic and classist, to name a few. So what am I supposed to do as I struggle along, trying to find a way to pay the bills, deal with chronic pain and find a job. Oh wait, I am not looking for job, I am going to have surgery. Anyway, I look forward to the day when this conversation can continue and shed light for the millions of people living in the dark who think we live on a level playing field and everyone has the same chances to get ahead.

Walk in my sore little feet some time for a real shock and then tell me how well we all are doing. Maybe the light will go on.

An end to chronicity

2008-03-19T23:05:00.000-07:00

I see sitting in a chair for long periods of time in my future. My podiatrist is going to stick tiny cameras in my right foot soon, then put me in a cast for a week and hopefully when it is all done, I will be pain free on one side. I can;t believe how horrible it is to be in chronic pain.

What does that mean in real life? I will be on crutches, I will not be able to take a big girl shower for a week, going to bathroom at night will be a big bummer and I will have to be really organized because when I sit down, I won't be able to just get up and do something easily. But I will also be able to focus more on say blogging. Read some more, watch my Netflix flix and sit in the sun and watch the flowers grow. There are worse things to do like work in the Bush White House or something.

Bush humor

2008-03-17T16:44:00.000-07:00

Because I apparently can't make my own jokes, here is a set of stolen ones. Perfect for the subject.

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages. You'll want to be the first to make a contribution to this great man's legacy.
The Library will include:

1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you can't remember anything.
3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't have to even show up.
4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.
5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.
6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room (which no one has been able to find).
7. The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.
8. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shooting gallery.
Plans also include:
9. The K-Street Project Gift Shop - where you can buy (or just steal) an election.
10. The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican senators.
11. Last, but not least, there will be an entire floor devoted to a 7/8 scale model of the President's ego.
To highlight the President's accomplishments, the museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate them.

More Obama supporters

2008-03-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am happy to note that the lovely Mrs Miss Wild Thing is listed in the endorsements below.

CAMPAIGN ANNOUNCES LGBT ENDORSEMENTS
Equal rights activists from around nation announce support for Obama

CHICAGO, IL – The Obama for America campaign today announced the endorsement of LGBT activists from around the nation. The activists include state and municipal elected officials, the leadership of the AFL-CIO's Pride at Work initiative, and prominent equal rights activists from states holding upcoming primary contests.

"In order for America to make progress toward social and economic justice, we need a president who does not mock, but rather embraces bold change, and who advances the vision of the beloved community. Our movements for equality, for healthy families and excellent schools, for workers' rights and shared prosperity, for veterans' care, fairness in the courts, and a safer environment have more than a friend in Barack Obama. We have a champion equal to the challenges we face and able to lead us forward together," said Hans Johnson, President, Progressive Victory.

"The finger-pointing and polarization in politics have become a threat to our well-being as a nation. I support Barack Obama because his compassion, respect for even those who oppose him, and inclusive values can build a new kind of national unity across the many lines that have previously divided us," said Missouri State Representative Jeanette Mott Oxford.

"We're building a coalition that includes Americans with diverse ideologies from all regions of the country to bring the change we desperately need," said Senator Obama. "That's the type of coalition we'll need to build to achieve equal rights for all Americans. I'm grateful for the endorsements of these prominent activists who fight every day for the principles of equality and justice." The full list of LGBT activists announcing their support for Obama today are below:

Jeanette Mott Oxford, Missouri State Representative, District 59-St. Louis City

Wilson Cruz, Actor, Los Angeles, CA

Kevin Jennings, Founder and Executive Director, Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN)

Donna Rose, Former Board Member of the Human Rights Campaign; Former member of the Hillary Clinton for President LGBT Steering Committee; Transgender Activist

Jeremy Bishop, Executive Director, Pride at Work (AFL-CIO)

Ian Palmquist, Executive Director, Equality North Carolina; Immediate Past Chair, Equality Federation

Jo Kenny, Development Director, Pride at Work (AFL-CIO)

Stephen Glassman, Chairman, Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission

Hans Johnson, President of Progressive Victory

Craig Bowman, Former Executive Director of National Youth Advocacy Coalition

Donna Cartwright, Communications Director, Pride at Work (AFL-CIO)

Perry Nelson, Founder, Gateway Stonewall Democrats (St. Louis, MO)

Ben Turner, Co-Founder and Former Co-Chair of the Capital Region Stonewall Democrats (Harrisburg, PA)

Robert Perez, Public Relations Executive and Former WA Press Secretary for Kerry-Edwards

Judy Chambers, Co-Founder and Former Co-Chair of the Capital Region Stonewall Democrats (Harrisburg, PA)

Conrado Terrazas, Political Field Director for SEIU 1000 (CA)

Lisa Hazirjian, Visiting Professor, Carnegie Mellon University (PA)

Gregg Gallo, National Stonewall Democrats Board Member (WA)

Anita Latch, Washington State Stonewall Democrats President

Jenny Durkan, Washington John Edwards for President State Chair (2004 & 2008)

Krista Strothmann, Baltimore Chapter of Pride at Work (AFL-CIO)

John Klenert, Campaign Board of the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund and Member of Board of Directors for DC Vote

Marti Abernathy, Transgender Advocate (Indiana)

Joe Darby, Vice President, Pride at Work (AFL-CIO), Lansing, Michigan

Randall Ellis, Former Executive Director of Lesbian/Gay Rights Lobby of Texas

Andrés Duque, LGBT activist (NY)

Gary Fitzsimmons, Dallas County District Clerk (TX)

Tim Downing, Member of Board of Directors for Human Rights Campaign (OH)

Christina Ocasio, Transgender activist; 2004 delegate to the DNC Convention (TX)

Dyshaun Muhammad, Former GLBT Caucus Chair, Young Democrats of America; Former Political Chair of Twin Cities HRC Steering Committee (MN)

Pauline Park, Chair, New York Association for Gender Rights Advocacy

Glen Maxey, Former Texas State Representative (first openly gay member)

Marti Bier, Former Field Director for PFLAG

Doug Lakey, Director of West Coast Office of Alliance for Justice; former Development Director for the Human Rights Campaign

Terry Penrod, Member of Board of Directors for Human Rights Campaign (OH)

David Peña, Jr., Executive Director, National Hispanic Business Association

John McClelland, President, Denton County Stonewall Democrats (TX)

Joe Lacey, Dayton (OH) Board of Education Member

Tony Ballis, President, Dayton (OH) Stonewall Democrats

Noel Alicea, LGBT activist (NY)

*Organizations listed for identification purposes only.

Odd 'n' ends

2008-03-09T21:33:00.000-07:00

I am about to be kicked off the lesbian team. Why? I think the L Word is horrible. I fast forward through the sex scenes and think that I would rather read something than watch that stupid show.

But then I may be back on the lesbian team since I have been asked to be one of the co-chairs of the Latino LGBT campaign for Obama. But that will be the whole team not just the lesbo section.

Tonight I finished my first successful hockey season. No goals but loads of new friends, LOTS of exercise and way too much fun.

Plus this weekend I put an ad on Craig's list to be a garden coach. You know, help people out with their gardens, give fabulous advice on how to grow, what they can grow and help them on the path to the garden of their dreams. I am now "Over the Fence Garden Coach." I had to do something since I was, once again, the #2 finisher for my latest attempt at employment. So if an environmentalist ever says we want to bring in more people of color, my head will blow off as I scream at them about their country club mentality. Yes, I was trying for a job at environmental organizations. For one place, I was interviewed for over five hours. They left a message on my voice mail telling me I didn't get the job. I later found out they gave it to a guy who had never been and E.D before. Nice. At the next place, I went to guess how many interviews????? Five!!!! Only to be told, thanks but no thanks. This job hunting thing blows.

So if you want your yard to look like the picture at the top, email me. And vote for Obama.

Hope

2008-03-04T21:18:00.000-08:00

I am not happy with the results tonight but yet there is a glimpse of hope. I hope to never see Mike Huckabee's wife on tv again. My gawd her head is big!

An open letter to the Latino LGBT community

2008-02-28T14:30:00.001-08:00

More names added to the list!

CONTACTS:

Gloria Nieto & Andres Duque
lgbt.latinos4obama@gmail.com

Thursday, February 28, 2008

An Open Letter to the Latino LGBT community:

Like many of you out there, we are thrilled at the opportunity to bring meaningful and lasting change to the White House by exercising our right to vote during this historic presidential election.

As LGBT Latinos and Latinas who happen to be immigrants or descendants from immigrant families we are sick and tired of seeing our lives and values be misrepresented by those who seek to drive wedges in our communities as a means to split our vote and gain power through division.

We saw it when the right wing used same-sex marriage to rile up the conservative vote for President George W. Bush and we are seeing it again with immigration being blamed as the source for all the nation's ills.

We know that these are the politics of fear and that those same politics only served to elect one of the worst presidents in US history.

This is why we believe that, in this presidential election, there is one clear choice.

BARACK OBAMA

On the LGBT community: Senator Obama continues to include us in his speeches without prompting or regardless of his audience. He has spoken of his desire to lead all Americans - and has specifically mentioned the LGBT community as being part of his vision of America - during the televised primary debates as well as during presentations in African-American churches as well as Latino gatherings in California.

Senator Obama has said that he supports gender inclusion in a federal bill that would ban discrimination against our communities (as has Senator Hillary Clinton), but, unlike Clinton, he has also said he would do away with the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), signed into law by President Bill Clinton, which allows states to discriminate against same-sex couples by only recognizing partnerships between a man and a woman (Clinton has said that she would only repeal part of the bill).

On immigration: At a time when even "respected" news media such as CNN use immigration bashing in order to drive up ratings and the Republican presidential candidates try to outdo each other in anti-immigrant fervor, we have been moved by Senator Obama's consistent overtures to immigrant communities, his rejection of using immigrants as a scapegoat and his efforts to shatter stereotypes that African-American communities won't stand up for immigrants or that Latinos will not vote for a black presidential candidate.

Economic tensions do exist between different communities of color, particularly at a time when the economy seems to be heading into a recession which might disproportionally affect our communities. But we need a president that will do his or her best to address the issues that are driving down this economy and not a president that will take advantage of those tensions for political gain.

We believe that the right person for the job is Senator Obama.

He offers a true vision of hope. A vision that values every single person who lives in the United States and not just an elite few.

A vote for Senator Obama provides an opportunity to change our country's values and embrace our strengths and diversity - and to turn back the onslaught of hate and discrimination we have seen over the last eight years.

For that reason, we would like to ask you to ad your signature to this letter and to simply say:

"We step forward to claim our voice as LGBT Latinos in support of Barack Obama for United States President."

En comunidad,

(List in formation: If you would like to add your name to this statement please send your name, city and state of residence to lgbt.latinos4obama@gmail.com)

• Chris Aguilar Garcia, Los Angeles, CA
• Noel Alicea, New York, NY
• Miguel Ayala, Washington, DC
• Geo Bustamante, Associate Editor, Gaysofla.com, Miami, FL
• W. Brandon Lacy Campos, Minneapolis, MN
• Pedro Chavez, Los Angeles, CA
• Wilson Cruz, Los Angeles, CA
• Andres Duque, Queens, NY
• Gael Guevara, New York, NY
• Lorenzo Herrera y Lozano, Austin, TX
• Jorge Irizarry, J.D., Bronx, NY
• Wilfred Labiosa, Boston, MA
• Roberto Martinez,Brooklyn, NY
• Gloria Nieto, San Jose, CA
• Felicia A. Ramos, Chicago, IL
• Martha Ramos Duffer, Psy.D., Austin, TX
• Omar Robinson-Rodriquez, Atlanta, GA
• Juan Ortíz, Raleigh, NC
• Annette Marie Rodriguez, Albuquerque, New Mexico

I got lost

2008-02-26T13:06:00.000-08:00

Yes, I got lost in the blogosphere. My sister Virginia at least emailed to check up on me to make sure I was ok. I got caught up in the problems with my feet, my doctor being out of town, taking care of my cousin Riley, working on the Obama campaign, blah blah blah.

I am going to write, very soon, my history as a superdelegate. Just to try to give folks a peek into that world of rarified politics and knives.

But the sun is out, I tulips blooming and must return to the great outdoors.

I was a superdelegate pt.1

2008-02-16T12:19:00.000-08:00

In my previous life, I was a DNC super delegate. During the eight years I was on the DNC, there was never a battle for delegates like we are seeing now. bummer for me, I always wanted a phone call from Chelsea Clinton. Ok, maybe not. That is no disrespect for Ms Chelsea. But when I was first asked to be on the DNC I some how had a different vision of what participation in the national level would look like and feel like. I wasn't even close.

My first meeting was in DC. As I came to find out, it either rains, snows or makes one sweat in DC. You have to pay for everything, plane tickets, hotels, meals and cabs. I have never made lots of money in this lifetime. Working at non-profits may make the soul feel good but it does not pay for $200 a night hotels in DC. I learned how to crash at friend's pads and eat at less expensive places in DC like Union Station. I digress, my first meeting was in the middle of a DC rainstorm. I had to stand out in traffic to try and get a cab to the hotel. By the time I managed this, I was drenched and came in looking, um, wet.

Everyone seemed to know each other and I knew no one. This is good time to point out that I was soaking wet and not feeling very confident. Did I say I was wet? I got to the lgbt meeting. Oh wait. It is a gay and lesbian meeting. Back in those days there was no lgbt. I still don't think it is lgbt but then again I never hear anything about the caucus so I don't know.

This actually brings up an interesting question. What has the caucus done for you and me lately? I know through Garry Shays' efforts the number of gay and lesbian delegates at the convention will be bigger. But the caucus has not grown in size and despite the bragging about appointed delegates, I still don't see any major improvements in the states or clubs. Well call me bitter but it is like going to a bar I have been tossed out of, I don't see anything good happening for us unless my man Barack gets the party on a progressive path.

More to come about my experiences at the DNC.

Barbara Zusman

2008-02-08T11:25:00.000-08:00

It is a glorious California morning. I have been sitting on the front porch, watching Ruby stalk the bees in the lavender bush. But I have also been crying in the California sun. A kind woman I knew in New Mexico has died and I was feeling the sadness of that loss.

Barbara Zusman was one of a kind. There are moments of time etched in my memory of times with her.

She collected rocks. Not just any rocks but heart rocks, rocks that had been etched in nature into the form of a heart.

The girl loved to shop. One time at Creating Change in Pittsburgh her wife, Rachel Rosen, had done something to upset her. Barbara came sailing into the hotel with her cab driver in tow and both were carrying packages and bags with names like Bloomingdales and some other high end stores emblazoned on them. I turned to Jo and said, "Oh man, Rachel must have done something really bad."

At another Creating Change in San Diego, she and I took off and went to Tijuana. Now getting across the border is not the tidiest process in the world. This time was no exception, we had to wait and wait and then wait some more. She just said to me "This is a disaster." I just cracked up. I explained it was just typical. We had a great time and could talk about our Mexican adventure.

One time when my mother was visiting in Santa Fe, we had lunch with Barbara and Rachel at the Plaza restaurant. They were both so kind and funny with my mom. Then Barbara asked my mother if she was dating anyone. They bonded over that moment. After that they cruised up Canyon Road and spent the afternoon together. It was priceless.

Rachel and Barbara's wedding was such a beautiful day, a true testimony to love. Barbara hand made every single card given out to the guests. We were lavished with incredible food, , breathtaking flowers, little silver plates with their names and dates on them. After everything was over, many folks were running around picking up those plates off tables. During the Jewish service, there is a time when the couple circles each other three times. As it was described later, when Rachel and Barbara did this, there wasn't a dry seat in the house. We were all joyful, seeing two women obviously in love and proclaiming that love in front of friends and family.

At the reception, I still remember the sheer exuberance of the everyone on the dance floor with the two brides hoisted in the air in their chairs. The dykes took over holding the chairs aloft and I remember seeing Libby Atkins cowboy hat between Rachel's legs while holding her chair through the dance. It was priceless.

There are other stories but I will say that Barbara was an incredible artist. She had this really wonderful picture that she had hand colored of three women in undergarments in one of their extra rooms. Whenever I went over to their house, I would make a beeline for that picture and then talk to Barbara about it. She offered to let me pay her in payments for one of her pieces so that I could give it to my mom. I could never make it happen but I really appreciated her generosity.

She once ventured to Egypt on a tour by herself. I was really in awe that she would go to see the wonders of the world on her own. I would call her when tv shows about Egypt were on the History Channel. She was always appreciative of my little gestures like that, to share our love of ancient Egyptian culture and art.

Barbara had a real ability to grow sweet peas in the high desert. She showed me her sweet pea places in the yard. I was, again, in awe. My life has been a little bit better because I knew a little bit of Barbara Zusman. I planted sweet peas this week in her honor. I cried a tear or two for her too. When the plants bloom and bring fragrance to my yard, I will think about my times with her, thank her for the memories and enjoy the sweet gift of her flowers.

Bad call, very bad call

2008-02-02T19:42:00.000-08:00

Someone has a really bad list. Mitt Romney has a really bad list because I have gotten two robocalls from his campaign. One from the Mittster and the other, here it is, wait, here it comes, was from Rick Santorum telling me how awful John McCain is. Why McCain is not a real conservative, didn't ya know, because he doesn't support a constitutional amendment to make marriage between a man and a woman. OH MY GAWD!

Then I got a polling call asking me which Republican I was voting for. I was so happy pressing the buttons for Ron Paul and Mike Huckabee. Heehee, then I got to vote for "traditional values" as the most important factor in my decision. I feel like I am getting to peek over the fence and see naked mud wrestling.

In California

2008-02-01T20:17:00.000-08:00

Today I went to a press conference featuring out Assembly member John Laird of Santa Cruz. He has been working really hard to get people to vote yes for Prop 93 here in California. Why? Because under current law, he will be termed out at the end of the year. That would be really bad for the lgbt community but also the whole state of California.

Why? You may be asking why would this matter to the whole state. Well, John is also the chair of the Assembly budget committee. He negotiates with the Governator over things like money for schools, money for HIV programs, money for everything. This state has the fifth largest economy in the world! This is not just any job and it affects millions of people.

John also made the point that a number of legislators who are pro-marriage would also be termed out. That number could be as high as 25 legislators we would lose to term limits. So we would have to start all over again, educating people, working on campaigns to make sure we had friends who will vote the right way for us. If our friends stay in office we can focus on getting others to vote the right way. Or left way.

Any way, voting yes on Prop 93 will be very important to the whole lgbt community. My friend Clark would disagree but I think keeping John Laird in office is one of the most important things we could do for ourselves in California.

That's me next to John's left arm.

Update

2008-01-30T21:51:00.000-08:00

The back seat of my car is the microcosm of my life. It has in it a hockey stick, yard signs for "yes on prop 93" and the banner for the Silicon Valley LGBT Dem club. Oh and empty water bottles waiting to be recycled. I am playing hockey again on Sunday so I will just leave the stick there. I may run into some protesters I need to whack.

Tuesday night was the club's Presidential forum. WE had reps from the Clinton, Obama, and Edwards campaign answering three questions we gave them in advance and then questions from the audience. We had over 40 people in attendance. Final results of the straw poll:

Obama 41%
Edwards 28
Clinton 25%
undecided 6%

Interesting, huh?

The election is less than a week away and I still can't decide who I am going to vote for in the California primary. I found it interesting that the campaigns were taking swings at each other, "Hillary did this, Obama said this." I just didn't expect that. Maybe because I have kept my distance and tried to look at the candidates pragmatically and the campaign people were more emotional.

I am having a hard time getting past my issues with Obama. I hated the way he was so condescending with Hillary at the NH debate. I really have a problem with his supporters acting like 5 year olds and saying we won't vote if Obama is not the candidate.

Four years ago when Howard Dean was running for DNC chair, I got lots of emails and letters asking me to vote for Dean. I answered all the emails politely saying I hadn't made up my mind but that for sharing your thoughts on voting for Dean. I got one particularly memorable letter. "If you don't vote for Dean, we will come after you with torches and pitchforks." Democracy doesn't thrive on those kind of threats. So when I hear the other threats, I wonder how mature this movement is, to take up the mantle of leadership and give full inclusion to all of us.

With Hillary I am struggling too. Everyone my age if supporting her. I like someone who knows and understands policy and what effect that ahs on the state of the union. But, I don't know, there is something missing, a connect that I can't say what it is so how can I ask the campaign to give me something I don't even know what I want. My friend Jorge Mursuli says you can't know what you don't know.

Time for me to figure it out. I'll let you know when I get there.

SATC

2008-01-18T22:13:00.000-08:00

Did you ever see the episode of Sex and the City when Carrie's boyfriend broke up with her with a post-it? Well that's what happened last night with the latest almost job. I got a friggin voice mail saying we decided to hire the other person.

Needless to say, I was devastated. I continue to be devastated, feeling hopeless about ever getting a job again. I am working so hard at this and nothin'. Close but no cigar. No dice. I'm #2.

I could get lost in a sea of self-pity but I think I will just crawl into bed with Allegra and enjoy my heated throw and my dog. OK that was pretty good self-pity.

I can't make this up

2008-01-17T09:54:00.000-08:00

Here is the latest installment of the Donald vs the DNC. In this episode, Claire Lucas is accused of perjury. She apparently helped the DNC write a blast at Donald.

Pushing the envelope

2008-01-16T19:14:00.000-08:00

Here is the latest drivel from the DNC. It trumpets the inclusion of a whopping eight members of the LGBT communities to the upcoming convention this summer.

I have highlighted the more hilarious parts.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 16, 2008

DNC ELECTS RECORD NUMBER OF LGBT MEMBERS TO 2008 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION STANDING COMMITTEES

Appointments Reflect Strength, Diversity and Energy of Democratic Party

DENVER - The Executive Committee of the Democratic National Committee
(DNC) unanimously elected DNC Chairman Howard Dean's nominations for the

Chairs and members of the 2008 Democratic National Convention Standing
Committees, including a record number of openly LGBT members. Dean's
LGBT appointments include Dr. Marjorie Hill of the Gay Men's Health Crisis organization in New York, Diego Sanchez from AIDS Action Committee of Massachusetts, State Representative Patricia Todd of
Alabama, and Ingrid Duran of Virginia to serve on the Platform Committee, along with Claire Lucas and Evan Low of California to the Rules Committee and Bob Rogan of Vermont to the Credentials Committee.
In addition to appointing a record number of LGBT standing committee members, Dean was also the first DNC chair to appoint a member of the transgender community to a Convention committee.

The Standing Committees of the Convention are responsible for reviewing Convention business and formulating recommendations for consideration by Convention delegates. The Executive Committee's vote took place during the panel's recent meeting in Denver, site of the four-day Convention in August.

"The record turnout and enthusiasm we've seen for our Democratic candidates is a clear sign that Americans trust Democrats to bring much needed change to our country," said Governor Dean. "These outstanding leaders reflect the great strength, diversity and energy of the Democratic Party, and I'm confident their efforts will ensure our
Convention in Denver is reflective of our shared values and our nominee's vision for America."

The elections included the Chairs and 25 Party Leader and Elected
Official (PLEO) members of the three Convention Standing Committees:

Credentials, Platform and Rules. Each committee has a total of 186 members. An additional 161 members elected by each of the states' and territories' Convention delegations will join Governor Dean's appointments to the committees later this spring.

So let us do the math. 186 member of committees times three makes 558 members of committees. Out of that 8 people will be either LGB or T. That is less than 10% so this is supposed to be reflective of the Democratic party? Wow, I am in awe.

And if I recall the latest news reports, one of those appointees, Clare Lucas, is about an inch away from contempt of court in the Donald Hitchcock suit against the DNC. Also I would like to point out that identifying people's non-profit place of employment with a political party jeopardizes the non-profit's status.

Makes me proud to be a Democrat.

Cross posted at Pam's House Blend

Bad dates

2008-01-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

Here I am again at the beginning of the year without a job. Every week I get turned down by another agency and this is beginning, not it is a string of many bad dates.

I get all dressed up nice, wear shoes that hurt my feet. Sit with people I have just met and then get judged by them. Lovely. I think I have done well and things could work out but then comes the email or phone call or letter with my name misspelled saying thanks but we are going to move on without you.

Many mornings I wake up feeling nearly hysterical because the money is about to run out in unemployment and I am sitting here waiting for the phone to ring with some good news.

During this time I have been recruited for jobs but then nothing. That really aggravates me. Like don't lead me on if there is not going to be a job offer. I am irritated beyond belief and frustrated, feeling very bad about myself. I know I am not my job but it is very difficult to feel good after all these rejections.

It would be nice for the phone to ring with a job. This week.

Sheesh

2008-01-10T22:26:00.000-08:00

A lot of folks dropped by here because I was quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle today. My quote was in a story written by Ms Marinucci about why the NH polls were so off. Here is my quote:

Where does (MSNBC host) Chris Matthews or any of these guys come off treating her like that?" said Nieto on Wednesday. "It was played out in high-definition in front of everybody how shrill, over the top and condescending they were. It was a frat boy party - and as women, we weren't liking it. And we spoke out yesterday - just look at the numbers."

I say pinhead pundits should not be allowed on unless they can talk about the statistics model they used to analyze the data.

WORD!

I'll take hockey

2008-01-10T12:59:00.000-08:00

I have now figured out that I need to watch hockey instead of MSNBC. At least hockey is honest, men without teeth, banging into each other, pummeling each other bare fisted. It is not everyone's cup of tea, I admit, but it is true to life.

I was naive enough to give MSNBC another shot last night after the NH returns. Stupid me, it was a visit again to Mathews giving every excuse in the world for him being wrong. The voters are liars is a new one. Amazing that anyone would lie to a pollster, I guess to him anyway. And he continued on his merry woman hating way having a woman analyst from NH on and then proceeded to ask questions and then talk over her answers.

Any women out there ever have that happen? I thought so. Yeah, I'm sick of it too. Time to switch channels, work on someone's campaign so your voice is heard and leave the charter members of the women haters club in the rear view mirror.

Back to the hockey now.

Adios

2008-01-09T20:28:00.000-08:00

Well Big Bill Richardson is waving adios from the New Mexican high desert to his chances of becoming President in this election cycle. I am sorry to see him go since his candidacy brought a Latino perspective to the Democratic race. During my time in New Mexico, I helped his campaign and he helped me with a gubernatorial appointment to the health policy commission and tickets to the Democratic convention for all my family.

He is indeed a rare politician who keeps his word. When he was first running for Governor, he met with small groups of "special interests". I was in the lesbian and gay meeting where we asked for a hate crimes law, a non-discrimination law and appointments to all the different state commissions. Not only did we get all of those requests filled but he added domestic partner benefits to all state employees. Promises made and promises kept.

Now we have to see what he does next. I don't think we have seen the last of Big bill on the national stage. I would bet my last dollar on that.

NH

2008-01-08T20:36:00.000-08:00

I didn't know that I didn't care for Obama until he won in Iowa. Then I got really irritated with all the blatant sexism from all the boy talking heads. And now the analysis from the boy talking heads is this "Democratic insiders are concerned that this could turn into a gender war." Do these guys get paid to be this stupid?

All of them are a just plain old stupid if they just now realize there is a gender gap. Duh, let's go over this slowly. We make less money. There has never been a woman president. How many women are elected compared to men? This is what a gender gap looks like! And now we see what democracy looks like.

Gotta love this

2008-01-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

IN the Chronicle today, there was a story posted about the legal victory for Dykes on Bikes. Here in the year of our Lard, 2008, some people don't understand this. There are some slow pokes still in the Bay Area.

And this from the comments is too perfect:

"piedcanard wrote:...and as far as lesbians go, they want very little to do with men. ..."------Ya know, everything is not always about men.... I would venture to guess that most lesbians have zero problem with men, they just don't want to have sex with them.

Part 2

2008-01-05T14:52:00.000-08:00

In the sunny California area where I live, gardening is one of the biggest hobbies around. As I have posted both with pictures and in writing I spend as much time as possible in the yard, ending to flowers, veggies and herbs. I am a gardener in every way possible.

This means I have hope, Hope for my seeds, then seedlings. Hope for all the little pieces of garlic that I plant that they will re-emerge as a full bulb of garlic, spreading lots of flavor in my kitchen. This is also the reason I am involved politically because I have hope that my community, state and country will be better through working with like minded people to leave things better than how we found it.

Now we are really in campaign season for a shit load of offices. I cannot make my mind up on who I would like to be the next President. I know it must be a Democrat but who, I don't know who I prefer. And now that the white white white white white population of Iowa has spoken and the same demographics in New Hampshire will speak soon, the conversations are changing, folks have dropped out and it is getting time to decide.

Here's the thing for me, there is a candidate who talk all about hope but I don't know if he is for me. I just don't know. Change will happen no matter what, that horse's butt Bush will be out in just over a year.

The only thing I know for sure is that I will continue to hope the Sharks will figure out a way to win at home and that a Democrat will win in November. I'll just go back to reading seed catalogues and hope for the spring to bring new leaves and hope for change.

Poor thing

2008-01-05T00:09:00.000-08:00

Someone help this child! And her children! Britney loses her mind and custody.

Part 1

2008-01-04T23:56:00.000-08:00

Today my house was without electricity for almost 12 hours. But I am prepared. I have one handy unit, a crank flashlight that has a radio, a compass, a flashing light and siren all rolled into one easy to carry around package. I thought I should check the news to see if there were floods or other disasters nearby.

So I cranked up the radio and listened to... Gwen Ifill, David Brooks and Mark something on NPR. This is not about checking the news but being a political junkie. I had no access to news about Iowa or New Hampshire! So I listened to Bobo and Mark discuss caucki and primaries. They talked about things I had neither seen nor heard, Obama's speech last night (hockey was on) and Hillary's speech (hockey still on) and I found out something very important. It didn;t matter if I heard those speeches because there would still be a vote on Tuesday and that speech won't really matter on Tuesday nor will Bobo or Mark. They won't matter because other people, mostly white white white white white people will be voting on Tuesday.

I thought this lineup was going to get changed and some people of color were going to get a vote early in the process. Apparently my brown vote will get thrown into the mix on Super Duper Tuesday.

OMG it is after midnight, the ambien will be working soon and I will be saying all kinds of hateful things about the DNC, Howard Dean and all those people I have interviewed with who didn't give me a job. I'll get back to you in the morning.

Well, well

2008-01-02T10:28:00.000-08:00

Seems the chickens have come home to roost. Ms Marinucci spotted the god father of California homophobia speaking for his good friend, Mitt Romney in Iowa yesterday. Isn't that special?

Last day and part of the night

2007-12-31T19:29:00.000-08:00

So here it is...the end of 2007. I hate changing years, having to remember the new year on my checks, new calendars, new everything. Let this be said about alcoholics of all stripes, we hate change. So this is the worst of all- a big change.

Plus it is amateur night when every normal person goes out to get all likkered up and make a fool of themselves. Strictly amateurs.

Yesterday I was all doom and gloom over the change. I'll never get a job. Nothing will ever change. Of course, it deosn't help waking up to my feet hurting like hell before I ever stand up. That puts the gloom into the day quickly. But today, ah, different day and things can change. My feet still hurt but I am well on my way to getting in to the senior center gym in Santa Clara, going back to hockey, swimming again, a new job right around the corner and a real pay check soon. I ordered all kinds of seed catalogs the other night, will be putting compost into the veggie garden and plucking more ripe lemons from the back yard tree. I may have to dig that hole for the new rose bush too.

I am going to do my best this year to not get down for every little thing, be hopeful about the future and share the joy.

Wow, for someone who doesn't make New year's resolutions that sure sounded like some!

Happy New Year to everyone who stops by here. May all our dreams come true in '08, starting with a Democrat in the White House.

Bhutto

2007-12-28T16:31:00.000-08:00

Here is the transcript for Democracy Now on Bhutto's assassination. There is very valuable information in these interviews about Pakistan, past and present. I stand corrected.

Chchchaanges

2007-12-28T15:37:00.000-08:00

Damnit, I forgot I had a blog again!

Christmas has zipped by me again but it was a nice time with lots of parties and time well spent with the family. Leading up to Christmas I wrestled with that deadly viral infection so I wasn't too cheerful but definitely gay. Now I sit and stare at the phone, waiting for the group who interviewed me to call with a job offer. Apparently that doesn't happen during this week.

It was horrible to fire up the computer yesterday and see the headlines about Benazir Bhutto's assassination in Pakistan yesterday. I have followed the stories out there for a while, noting the upcoming elections coupled with Bush's idiotic policies playing out in full view of the world so we can see a thug with his hand on the trigger of nukes. Apparently Cheney and Musharraf are BFF so far be it for us to demand some accountability for all the billions going into that country. But the NYT nailed it today with this quote:

The assassination highlighted, in spectacular fashion, the failure of two of President Bush’s main objectives in the region: his quest to bring democracy to the Muslim world, and his drive to force out the Islamist militants who have hung on tenaciously in Pakistan, the nuclear-armed state considered ground zero in President Bush’s fight against terrorism, despite the administration’s long-running effort to root out Al Qaeda from the Pakistan-Afghanistan border.

Ah yes, spectacular fashion.

This changed the terrain in Iowa too. All of sudden the agents for change don't look so good. Huckster didn't know his geography. Obama can't make the case for change when experience is indeed important so he tries to thrash Hillary. McCain looks like he knows what he is talking about compared to a former governor and mayor.

We'll see what the new year brings in elections whether it be in Pakistan or Iowa.

An answer

2007-12-22T22:10:00.001-08:00

I returned this evening from another off hours visit to Kaiser with a real diagnosis. I have not been able to hit the keyboard because of the stomach problems I have had. Poor Jo, I have been crying, vomiting, crying, vomiting, rinse and repeat. But now at least the doc gave me a prescription to stop the barfing and hope that this viral infection I have will clear up. I hope so, Christmas is on and there is food to eat and laughs to share. I am praying for some relief.

Monday morning bliss

2007-12-10T21:11:00.000-08:00

This morning I got to spend a few hours with some of my cousins. It was one cousin's birthday and I hooked up with her at my other cousin's house. This is why I live here in San Jose, California, to be able to sit and talk about very real things in our lives, both past and present. To be able to talk so honestly about my life, my sorrow, their sorrows and what life will be like when people pass, what their children are like and the very soul of a family, love.

Imagine what a miracle it is to tell the truth and share that with family about being lesbian, about the shame I have carried all my life about who I am, who I love and to get love back to replace the self-hate. To be trusted with their children and given the chance to share me, just me, as the child of God who is kind and generous and funny with all of them. I get yelled at all the time because I make them presents or get the kids something because there is that little problem of unemployment.

Last week when I had one of the kids we were walking down the street together and he looked at me with the most earnest face and said, "Some girls like girls and some boys like boys and that's just the way it is." What a season of miracles, there is hope for all of us.

Thursday this and that

2007-12-06T12:46:00.000-08:00

Waaah, I should be walking around the French Quarter now with Chris Daigle. Spending money I don't have, laughing and laughing and carrying on. But it was not to be this year.

I had to cancel my trip to New Orleans on Tuesday because I just could not deal with the pain in my feet. The thought of standing in line to get through security made me cry just thinking how much it would hurt. And I know NOLA, you have to walk a lot and since I cannot walk around the block without pain, the idea of wandering through the Quarter, well, it was just too much.

So I am at home, on a rainy day, making calenders on my Mac, filling in the excel spread sheet of presents both made and purchased, I am going to finish the village today, putting up the pond area now. The tree comes this weekend and I am going to the Sharks game on Saturday. Whoohoo.

Plus, plus, plus, I had a really good job interview yesterday. This could easily be my dream job. It will be even better if I can start before Christmas. Hopefully I will hear very very soon and I can be back on my way to getting up at a reasonable time in the morning, getting a bigger check than unemployment and actually paying off my bills every month. How adult of me.

But now I must go watch Shrek 3.

new thoughts

2007-11-30T11:11:00.000-08:00

My wife just sent me this picture of me and Ruby, my tailless cat. I love Ruby with all my heart and she has had a very hard hard life. I found her after she rolled under a van on one of the busiest streets in Santa Fe.

Since then she has broken her leg badly and lost her tail to some neighborhood dogs. But she is still as lovable as ever, she cuddles with me, sits on my chest and purrs and tells me every chance she gets that she is hungry. She greets both of every day in the driveway and shows off how she can roll in the lawn.

So Jo took this picture of Ruby and I cuddling the other night. What I saw was a woman with an extra chin, arms that were flabby and every other little thing I could pick out that was wrong with me, in my eyes. I sent an email back to Jo saying all this and she responded by saying "That's what you see."

What a mind blowing experience. I realized how much I had invested of my life and soul telling myself I wasn't cute, or attractive or worthy of love. I have been crying ever since. What a WASTE!

I had given in to the homophobes who have said all those things, I listened and I believed them. I made their lies real in my head and they had won. I was sobbing thinking about all the people and creatures who loved me unconditionally. How much time have I put into thinking how unattractive I am? A lifetime.

Time for a new outlook on life. One filled with joy and laughter, pain and sorrow but never again about how I look and whether that is good enough. Because I am one unique woman.

Quote

2007-11-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to figure out how to blog much lately. But I did manage to get myself quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle today. Plus I am showing off my picture with Sharks rookie Devin Setoguchi. I know, he's cute, huh? What a nice guy, too. It was nice to see so many Asian folks out there to get his autograph. He signed my new jersey.

I guess I have been a little brain dead post Cupertino elections. I worked on my friend, Gilbert Wong's campaign. I am happy to report that we won and he will be sworn in this coming Tuesday. Then me and the esposa are running off to New Orleans. Finally I will get to see my friend Chris.

Last time I saw him was when he was running for the state house in an attempt to become the first openly gay elected person in Louisiana. The election was soooo close, he missed the runoff by 56 votes. Damnit, so close. BTW, if you get a chance, go look at his art work. He is selling these really cool ceiling tiles on Craig'sList in New Orleans. It is under arts+crafts.

Now about that job, I am hoping for something very soon. But then I have been hoping for 4 months now. Please, universe, how about a meaningful job with enough money before Christmas.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T21:46:00.000-08:00

Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. That describes my last few weeks. Here was Thanksgiving barreling down on the US and I couldn't think of a thing to be grateful for. Then last night both Ruby and Gus were sitting on my lap, Jo was nearby, Allegra was waiting for me at my feet and the others were hanging around. I finally took a breath and was overwhelmed with gratitude. Finally. Now the job can come next.

Another perspective

2007-11-13T12:32:00.000-08:00

I went with mi esposa on Sunday up to UC Santa Cruz to table for Pride at Work. The event was a people of color conference and we were part of the resource fair.

Boy did I come away with some hope! I saw first hand how gay marriage will become a reality in the future. There was not one person who ran away from the table when they found out we were homos. Everyone knew about the LGBT resource center on their campuses. All of them had LGBT friends. All of them took queer stickers.

And in my lifetime I believe they will nonchalantly change the laws to give us equality. That will be a day to remember.

Perspective

2007-11-13T12:23:00.000-08:00

While I haven't cuddled up to any Presidential candidate as a choice for next year, I have been having a woman's perspective on the debates. There has been a lot of male hand wringing over Hillary's alleged complaint about being ganged up on at said debates.

So having been in many meetings where I was the only woman,including one very memorable one with Governor Richardson, I can tell you this ganging up thing is part of every day professional life. My other professional women colleagues who I have discussed this with are in agreement, you guys have no idea what this looks like to us and that we have all experienced it in the course of our careers.

So stop the weeping and wailing, it doesn't play well. We have been through and hate it. Snap out of it!

Richardson's press

2007-11-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

Here is Governor Bill Richardson's press release regarding ENDA.

Governor Richardson Urges Congress to Pass Employment Non-Discrimination Act

For Immediate Release
November 7, 2007

Contact: Tom Reynolds
(505) 681-1832

WASHINGTON, DC-- New Mexico Governor and Democratic Presidential candidate Bill Richardson today released the following statement urging Congress to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA):

"This should be a no-brainer for Congress: ENDA is an essential piece of civil rights legislation that has taken too long-- thirteen years-- to get to this point. It is hard to believe that we even have to debate prohibiting discrimination of any kind.

"I applaud Congressman Barney Frank for his tireless efforts in advancing the cause of equality and justice. However, let us be clear-- the struggle for equality is not over. I am disappointed, as I know Congressman Frank is, that gender identity is not protected in today's bill. That must be fixed.

"In my first year as Governor of New Mexico, I expanded anti-discrimination laws to include sexual orientation. I also signed into law New Mexico's first hate crimes legislation, which included acts based on sexual orientation, and I issued an executive order extending state health insurance benefits to all domestic partnerships. As President of the United States, I will fight for those same protections and rights for every American.

"ENDA is a pivotal step toward equal treatment under the law for every American. Along with my friends in the LGBT community, I look forward to the day when this no longer is an issue, when discrimination of any kind is not tolerated, and when we can celebrate our diversity as a nation and the protection of every American's civil rights."